Starkit's Prophecy: A rare educational-yet-funny (I hope) review!
by Echoshadowlikespotatoes
Summary: Okay, so I know everyone has done this before, but I just want to, and it looks fun. So...take a look? Reviews not necessary, but would be appreciated. :)
1. Allegiances (Alliances)

**So hi, and welcome! Let's all suffer together reading (or writing) the oh-so-very educational review of the infamous Starkit's Prophecy! My comments will be in Bold** ** _and_** **Italics, since...since...since...Oh right! Since the author of this story (xdarkrosesx) writes her notes in bold too.**

 **Right, so, um, enjoy (if you can) the story! (Do notice I use the term 'story' really loosely)**

* * *

ALLIANCES

 _ **Hang on here...(looks down list) so ThunderClan, ShadowClan, RiverClan and WindClan are in an alliance? That's really...um...in character...**_

ok so like i said this iks my first story be nice plz

 _ **(You could at least be nice first and use proper spelling.)**_

btw its set afte rsunset so

 ** _(Ooh, 'rsunset' sounds cool! Is it a dessert of some sort?)_**

ThunderClan

Leader: Firestar - ginger tom with a flame-colored pelt

Deputy: Brambleclaw - dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes

Medicine Cat: JayFeather-gray tom

 _ **(Jayfeather, not JayFeather. Your capitalisation skills are really pro, eh?)**_

Warriors:

Squirrelflight - dark ginger she-cat with green eyes

Apprentice, Foxpaw

Dustpelt - dark brown tabby tom

Sandstorm - pale ginger she-ca

 _ **(Everyone! Pause! What, pray I ask, is a she-ca? Xdarkrosesx, I hereby applaud you for originality!)**_

Cloudtail - long-haired white tom

Apprentice DaisyPaw - cream long-furred cat from the horseplace

 _ **(A queen that has borne two litters of kittens, and don't even want to attend a training session, is an apprentice. Interesting.)**_

Brackenfur - golden brown tabby tom

Sorreltail - tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with amber eyes

Thornclaw - golden brown tabby tom

Brightheart - white she-cat with ginger patches

Spiderleg - long-limbed black tom with brown underbelly and amber eyes

Whitewing - white she-cat with green eyes

Apprentice, Icepaw

Birchfall - light brown tabby tom

Graystripe - long-haired gray tom

Berrynose - cream-colored tom

Hazeltail - small gray-and-white she-cat

 **(Now _you're being specific. How small? I don't see her (peers through electron microscope) oh! There you are, Hazel dear.)_**

Mousewhisker - gray-and-white tom

Cinderheart - gray tabby she-cat

Poppyfrost - tortoiseshell she-cat

Honeyfern- light brown tabby she-cat

Lionblaze - golden tabby tom

Hollyleaf - black she-cat

FoxHeart-reddish tabby tom

IceFire-white she cat

 _ **(She's a paradox of her own. Ice, and fire. Um, let me question the great warrior-name-giver, Firestar.**_

 _ **Echoshadow: So, Firestar, why the paradox name?**_

 _ **Firestar: Oh, it was accidental. Um, I thought she was on fire, so...**_

 ** _~End of conversation~_**

 ** _HEAR THAT, ICEFIRE? YOU'RE A MISTAKE! A MISTAKE! THANK XDARKROSESX!)_**

ToadRibbit-black—and-white tom

 ** _(Toadribbit, eh. Ribbit, ribbit. What did you do, Toadribbit, croak like a frog in front of Firestar during your warrior ceremony? Really, you shouldn't have. Or...were you another mistake? Hmm?)_**

RoseFlame-dark cream she cat

BriarStorm-dark brown she cat

BumbleFlower-very pale gray tom with black stipes

 _ **(Wow, such a manly name! Hey, Bumbleflower, are you sure you're a legit tom? If I was a tom at a gathering hearing your name I would be like, Oh, another gossipy queen? Didn't know of her.)**_

BlossomWind-pale brown she cat iwth a dark stripe along her spine

 _ **(Oh, this is a NICE NAME. Except, dear xdarkrosesx, that**_ **isn't _her name.)_**

Apprentices:

Fox DaisyPaw - cream long-furred cat from the horseplace

 _ **(I have nothing to say. Fox DaisyPaw? Ludicrous.)**_

FlamePaw-firecolored she cat with one grnee eye one blue eye\

 _ **(One blue eye and one...grnee...eye. Cool.)**_

LakePaw-bright blue gray she cat with blue eyes

The last 2 r starKits siters _**(That got promoted to apprentices before Starkit because Starkit was such an annoying Mary-Sue. Great job, Firestar, that's one thing you did right in your life.)**_

JazzPaw-red she cat with blue eyes and a black tail

 ** _(Jazzpaw? Eh, cats know music? [Imagines Squirrelflight dancing the tango with Brambleclaw][Sputters with laughter])_**

Queens:

Ferncloud - pale gray (with darker flecks) she-cat with green eyes mother of Dustpelts kits

Dawnsparkle-bright tortishell she cat with garguntan blue eye's mother of Jayfeathers' ktis, formaly of Shadowclan

 _ **(That's gotta be the worst name I ever heard. I mean, yeah,just because the Mary-Sue is a Mary-Sue doesn't mean her mother should be one too.)**_

Kits:

StarKit-graysh-blue-and purple she cat with molting orange eyes and a white star on her forhaed

 _ **(Molting orange eyes? That's gotta be scary. Firestar should name her Starlava. Then she can go drown herself in lava. See, the star dying of lava. How symbolic.)(Genetists, listen up! There is a new gene, or mutation, that causes Mary-Sues to grow stars on their heads! Watch out!)**_

Elders:

Longtail - pale tabby tom with dark black stripes, retired early due to failing sight

Mousefur - small dusky brown she-cat

Weaslepelt-big red tabby he cat with bight yellow eyes (hes Rowanclaw's dad, he came to Thunderclan when Dawn- did0

 _ **(How did xdarkrosesx type a '0' after a 'd' when they are at the opposite sides of the keyboard?)**_

LeafPool-brown tabby she cat

 _ **(Great, our much-loved meddie cat is now curled up in the elders den. Leafpool fans, weapons up and CHARRGGEE! At xdarkrosesx, not me, I mean.)**_

ShadowClan

Leader: Blackstar - large white tom with huge jet-black paws

Deputy: Russetfur - dark ginger she-cat

Medicine Cat: Littlecloud - very small tabby tom

Apprentice, Flamepaw (ginger tom)

Warriors:

Oakfur - small brown tom

Apprentice, Tigerpaw (dark brown tabby tom)

Rowanclaw - ginger tom

Smokefoot - black tom

Apprentice, Owlpaw (light brown tabby tom)

Ivytail - black, white and tortoiseshell she-cat

Apprentice, Dawnpaw (cream-furred she-cat)

 _ **(Another Dawn! One more dawn, xdarkrosesx, and I'll virtually burn this thing to virtual ashes.)**_

Toadfoot - dark brown tom

Crowfrost - black-and-white tom

Apprentice, Olivepaw (tortoiseshell she-cat)

Kinkfur - tabby she-cat, with long fur that sticks out at all angles

Ratscar - brown tom with long scar across his back

Apprentice, Shrewpaw (gray she-cat with black feet)

Snaketail - dark brown tabby tom with striped tail

Apprentice, Scorchpaw (dark gray tom)

Whitewater - white she-cat with long fur, blind in one eye

Apprentice, Redpaw (mottled brown and ginger tom)

Tawnypelt - tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes

Flamewind- flame color tabby tom with green eye's

Tigerclaw-huge dark brown tabby tom with long claw's and amber eys

DawnFeather-cream tabby she cat (shes a different cant then the one in tC ok?)

 _ **(Sureee, because we can't tell the difference between 'feather' and 'sparkle', especially if one of them is so Mary-Sueish.)**_

OlivePaw-bright brown she cat

Queens:

Snowbird - pure white she-cat

Elders:

Cedarheart - dark gray tom

Tallpoppy - long-legged light brown she-cat

WindClan

Leader: Onestar - brown tabby tom

Deputy: Ashfoot - gray she-cat

Medicine Cat: Barkface - short-tailed brown tom

Apprentice, Kestrelpaw (mottled gray tom)

Warriors:

Tornear - tabby tom

Crowfeather - dark gray tom

Owlwhisker - light brown tabby tom

Whitetail - small white she-cat

 _ **(You can tell xdarkrosesx totally tried to describe the cats well. Thumbs up!)**_

Nightcloud - black she-cat

Gorsetail - very pale gray-and-white cat with blue eyes

Weaselfur - ginger tom with white paws

Harespring - brown-and-white tom

Leaftail - dark tabby tom, amber eyes

Apprentice, Thistlepaw (long-haired white tom)

Dewspots - spotted gray she-cat

 _ **(Because that totally makes sense.)**_

Apprentice, Sedgepaw (light brown tabby she-cat)

Willowclaw - gray she-cat

Apprentice, Swallowpaw (dark gray she-cat)

Antpelt - brown tom with one black ear

Emberfoot - gray tom with two dark paws

Apprentice, Sunpaw (tortoiseshell she-cat with large white mark on her forehead)

Heathertail - light brown tabby she-cat with blue eyes

Breezepelt - black tom with amber eyes

Elders:

Morningflower - very old tortoiseshell queen

Webfoot - dark gray tabby tom

RiverClan

Leader: Leopardstar - unusually spotted golden tabby she-cat

Deputy: Mistyfoot - gray she-cat with blue eyes

Medicine Cat: Mothwing - dappled golden she-cat

Apprentice, Willowshine (gray tabby she-cat)

Warriors:

Blackclaw - smoky-black tom

Voletooth - small brown tabby tom

 _ **(So, it seems logical to xdarkrosesx that cats know what voles' teeth look like, and that a RiverClan cat has teeth like a vole's. Well, xdarkrosesx, great job![claps sarcastically])**_

Apprentice, Minnowpaw (dark gray she-cat)

Reedwhisker - black tom

Mosspelt - tortoiseshell she-cat with blue eyes

Apprentice, Pebblepaw (mottled gray tom)

Beechfur - light brown tom

Rippletail - dark gray tabby tom

Apprentice, Mallowpaw (light brown tabby tom)

Graymist - pale gray tabby

Dawnflower - pale gray she-cat

Dapplenose - mottled gray she-cat

Pouncetail - ginger-and-white tom

Mintfur - light gray tabby tom

Apprentice, Nettlepaw (dark brown tabby tom)

Otterheart - dark brown she-cat

Apprentice, Sneezepaw (gray-and-white tom)

Pinefur - very short-haired tabby she-cat

Apprentice, Robinpaw (tortoiseshell-and-white tom)

Rainstorm - mottled gray-blue tom

Duskfur - brown tabby she-cat

Apprentice, Copperpaw (dark ginger she-cat)

Queens:

Icewing - white cat with green eyes, mother of Beetlekit, Pricklekit, Petalkit, and Grasskit

Elders:

Heavystep - thickset tabby tom

Swallowtail - dark tabby she-cat

Stonestream - gray tom

 _ **(And, because that is so so soooo precise, I'm just gonna assume Stonestream has purple eyes because why not.)**_

* * *

 **And that's it, folks! So what do we learn today?**

 **1) The four Clans are miraculously in an alliance, and they havn't tried to kill one another yet, and they so thoughtfully left out SkyClan.**

 **2) We learn a new term, 'she-ca', and a new colour, 'grnee'.**

 **3) Hazeltail is microscopic, because it's totally possible for a horseplace queen-turned-apprentice to give birth to a tiny mite the size of a cell.**

 **4) Icefire's a mistake, and Toadribbit might be one too. Firestar has a great imagination for warrior names. Xdarkroses loves giving warriors different warrior names, and yet love giving 2-word descriptions for cats too.**

 **5) We can obviously see who's the Mary-Sue here, that weird idiot emblazoned with a shining star. Though you're not doing it right, xdarkrosesx, she's supposed to be an apprentice along with her delightfully-normal littermates.**

 **I'm gonna have 5 points for each chapter, okay? Cya then.**


	2. Prologue

**Hello, and welcome to another episode of brain-draining, mind-blowing (more of destroying) review of Starkit's Prophecy. Without any ado, let's subject ourselves to torture willingly!**

* * *

Chpater oen prouloge

 _ **(Ooh, didn't know 'oen' was a number, eh? What great lessons we're learning here!)**_

The cats gathered around a pool. They all looked into it eagerly.

 _ **(They wanted to fall into it, since it would grant them extraordinary powers like regaining their sanity and escaping out of this messed-up story.)**_

A dark shape appeared on the surface. A blue she cat looked up. Her eyes were bright.

 _ **(Echoshadow: Hey, random kitty, why are your eyes bright? They're not supposed to be bright, even though you're a cat which is supposed to have glowing eyes. You had better jump down into the pool now and escape out of here since xdarkrosesx think your eyes are something worth mentioning. Don't want to be compared to our dear beloved Mary-Sue, do you? Quick! Jump into the pool of magic and SAVE YOURSELF.)**_

"There is a prophecy!" She said. "out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."

 _ **(Oh dear, this has so much suspense! And it's so vague! Like, I totally don't know that the evil Tigerstar would pair up with the law-abiding Hollyleaf, who is obsessed with the warrior code and just so happens to be the granddaughter of Firestar, one of Tigerstar's many enemies. This prophecy will be such a mystery for our Mary-Sue to figure out.)**_

"Its about StarKit!" A white tom said. "Shes going to save the forest,"

 _ **(And not the cats in the forest?)**_

He looked at a gold tom by BlueStar. "she has powers nobody dreamed of."Said the gold tom. "Should we tell JayFeather?" He asked. "Yes." Said BlueStar. "he needs to know."

 _ **(Eh-hem. So if they tell Jayfeather that Starkit has powers, probably in his dreams, wouldn't Jayfeather dream of her powers? "She has powers nobody dreamed of." Pffffft.)**_

She walked away from the pool to tell JayFeather about the prophcy.

 _ **(No! You're giving up your only chance to be free! Why, Bluestar? I had so much hopes for you!)**_

did u like it? plz tell me in urm review!

 _ **(Sure, I liked it so much that I would rather dance in a lion's mouth than continue reading this. How's that for ya?)**_

* * *

 **And we're done! Yeah, it's that fast. So...what do we learn?**

 **1) We learn a new number, 'oen'. Everyone say it with me here: OEENNN. Such a nice ring to it, don't you think?**

 **2) There's a Magic Pool in StarClan, where cats can drop into to snatch back sanity and saunter out into the broad daylight of the real, so-much-nicer world, but apparently no one wishes to use it.**

 **3) Xdarkroses thinks that cat eyes should be dull. Well done. _Well done._**

 **4) Starkit's gonna save the forest, but not the cats in it. And she also won't save herself from her insanity. Oh well, she's well past the point where she can be dragged back to sanity anyway, so just leave the Starkit-Sue (I'm gonna call her that from now on) be.**

 **5) StarClan don't think Jayfeather's dreams count as dreams.**

 **So...cya! I'm updating this fast, since I don't have the heart to continue my other story, I have all the time to play now that my exams are done and over with, and because why not.**


	3. Chapter 1

_**Here we are. Thanks for the reviews! And, um, a reminder. Please save some brain cells in your brain, because the number of brain cells in your brain is gonna drop drastically from now on.**_

 ** _dun, Dun, DUN!_**

 ** _Let's go!_**

* * *

Chapter to the rose of a Heroin

 _ **(So, roses can grow heroin? That's something I never heard of. So why aren't the bees and butterflies pollinating these roses addicted to heroin yet? Oh, and I just realised, maybe xdarkrosesx's dark roses grew the heroin. That might not be very surprising.)**_

 ** _ok jazzie-kun pleas dont get mad at me cause your not in it yet. You'l apear soon dont worry._**

 _ **(No, your supposed friend is probably relieved she isn't in the story,and is now gulping in fear because you remembered she was supposed to be in the story.)**_  
StarKit wock up and sunlit was in the branches.

 _ **(New vocabulary! 'Wock up'! And, hey, sunlit can be stuck in the branches! That, my readers, is definitely logical.)**_

She closed her eyes againstill tired. Butter mom wouldn't let her sleep not today.

 _ **(So her mom is a slab of butter, and not just that, a slab of butter that sparkles and has scarily-colossal eyes. [Refer to description for Dawnsparkle in the Alliances.])**_

"Sweety its time to get up" said Dawnsparkle; her eys shinning. "Today is important today."

 _ **(Great, so 'today' is important today, but 'today' is not important tomorrow! Ooh, logic, logic! [prances around like a lunatic])**_

"What is it Mom" said StarKit awake right away. Then the she cat rememembered what today was.

 _ **(Re**_ **meme** _ **mbered, eh. Xdarkrosesx is trying to get us to create memes about Starkit-Sue. But she doesn't know that there are already many memes about Starkit-Sue. And they're not positive either.)**_

"Ohmigosh its my serimony today!' she squelled excercisedly. Today was the day she was an apprentice!

 _ **(It's Oh My StarClan, not Ohmigosh. Naughty, naughty! But for a Starkit-Sue who 'squells excercisedly', I suppose that's natural.)**_

She flicked outside not even waiting for her Mom.

 _ **(Starkit has teleportation powers. Is that her powers? Flicking around?)**_

But her Mom cot up to her quick.

 _ **(Riding in a cot with wheels meant for Starkit)**_

"Sweety you know the clans don't except cat slike use sometimes." She said.

 _ **(Aww, come on, don't spoil her fun. She's a Starkit-Sue, and since the cats in xdarkrosesx's story are pretty much idiots too, they'll LOVE her.)**_

StarKit glared. She didn't lake beig told that. Just because her

 _ **(Just because she lives next to a lake doesn't mean she can make puns about it.)**_

Just because her Mom was a usedto be Shadowclan cat and her dad was jayFeather the medicine Cat didn"t mean she ws different!

 _ **(Oh yes it does. It means that Starkit is supposed to be a slab of sparkly yellow butter with gray fur sticking out at the sides. Stop denying it, Starkit-Sue, you are different. You're a Mary-Sue that shouldn't look like one but does. Get on with life.)**_

"StarPaw come here." Said FireStar from the leg.

 _ **(He's standing on Spiderleg, I assume. Yup, makes sense indeed. [Spiderleg groans exaggeratedly])**_

He jumped down.

 _ **(Good for you, Spiderleg. It must be a challenge to hold up Firestar, especially when he keeps eating more mice than he should and is starting to get heavier than a adult Twoleg.)**_

"StarKit it s tome for you to become an apentice: he said. "Your a strong brave cat and because of that I will mentor with you."

 _ **(He thinks she's a strong brave cat? Firestar, I know you've always been an idiot, and naturally will be more of an idiot in this story, but well, I'm still disappointed in you.)**_

Ever body gasped.

 _ **(Because they were so shocked that Firestar would be so idiotic. I mean, an actually smart cat wouldn't call a six-moon-old Starkit-Sue 'strong' and 'brave', and wouldn't volunteer to be her mentor when he's a leader that can choose any other cat for this kind of torture.)**_

StarKit did too. Se herd hear mother say "Wow!".

 ** _(More like "Wow! Didn't know Firestar was so stupid! Can't believe my grandfather-in-law is so stupid!)_**

Firehert liked her shoulder.

 _ **(Her shoulder was the only part of her that accurately marked her as Jayfeather and Dawnsparkle's kit. It was yellow with gray tufts of fur all over it, and it was slightly sticky.)**_

He whispered in her ear "youll be the best their ever was StarPaw I know ti."

 _ **(Then Firestar is being excessively stupid.)**_

Surpised she walked away when they were done howling for her./

 _ **(And also howling to mourn the last day Firestar will be alive, before he takes Starpaw out for training the first time.)**_

Then she went ofer to JayFeathern and DawnSparkle who were very prod.

 _ **(Dawnsparkle was still riding on that ridiculous cot, I'm assuming.)**_

"Daughetr where very happy but he have to say something said Jayfeather his chest puffed ouit.

 _ **("We are hereby abandoning you, and we are very happy and proud to do so, even though I'm not supposed to have a fibre of happiness in my veins." Jayfeather continued, chest puffed out even more.)**_

"You see there is this prophcy Starcaln gave me it said that out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."

 ** _(You don't have to tell us again, Jayfeather. Obviously, StarClan shall defeat the Dark Forest, as usual.)_**

StarPaw gasped. What does it mean?

 _ **(Look, our dear Starpaw-Sue is smart as ever!)**_  
 ** _  
_lol I update fast dont i. REVEIW or ill hit over the head with a frying pan! XDD jk**

 _ **(Of course, when there is such a thing as calling the police, who will arrest you for**_ **harassment.)**

* * *

 **Woo-hoo! We're done! Learning points for today:**

 **1) Starkit has teleportation powers.**

 **2) Starkit's mother rides around in a cot which belongs to Starkit.**

 **3) Firestar has a weird fondness for standing on Spiderleg.**

 **4) Firestar is extremely stupid. I'm sure we all know that he's stupid, but not everyone knows he's _extremely_ stupid, right?**

 **5) Xdarkrosesx thinks she can hurt me with a virtual frying pan. Which, I can confirm, makes a lot of sense.**

 **Alright! Cya then.**


	4. Chapter 2

**Great! So hi, and welcome to another episode of Starkit's Prophecy: A rare educational-yet-funny (I hope) review! Special thank** **s to AnEternalMelodytoaFlamingSoul for the continued support! (Even though I'm not allowed to pm you anymore, sorry about that)**

* * *

Chapter three the Battle 4 the caln

 ** _(Six meanings of this:_**

 ** _1\. Battle for (4) the caln_**

 ** _2\. Battle for (4) the calm_**

 ** _3\. Battle for (4) the Clan_**

 ** _4\. Battle before (b4) the caln_**

 ** _5\. Battle before (b4) the calm_**

 ** _6\. Battle before (b4) the Clan_**

 ** _Wow, is xdarkrosesx trying to cultivate our imagination or what? She's certainly cultivating our bad impression of her!)_**

 **thx jazzie-kun 4 th good review! and stop flmaing the stroy!1 i bet u cant right such a good story!1!**

 ** _(Well, I can. Let's look at the preview of my story..._**

 ** _Starkit, the buttercat, resident Mary-Sue (aka. Starkit-Sue) of ThunderClan, daughter of the sparkling butter Dawnsparkle and the very unfortunate Jayfeather, was walking in the forest, being a complete Starkit-Sue. Even though she was a kit, she could be out in the forest as she was a complete Starkit-Sue, like I so kindly told you just now. Suddenly, the six Clans (ThunderClan, ShadowClan, RiverClan, WindClan, SkyClan and StarClan) burst out and killed her in an instant. You see, although Starkit was a Starkit-Sue, even Starkit-Sues have their limits, and she was successfully abolished to the Dark Forest, where she terrorised the Dark Forest cats with her goody-two-shoes and glittery ways._**

 ** _The End._**

 ** _I wouldn't say this is a great story, but it should be slightly more logical and enjoyable than xdarkrosesx'x_ masterpiece _[cough, cough].)_**

StarPaw walkd over too the appentice's den. Insid she saw her sister's FlamePaw and lakePaw and hr frend JazzPaw (a.n: jazzie-kin ur my bff!)

 _ **(So I assume Jazzie-kun is crazy too. Wait, is xdarkrosesx japanese? After all, she does put 'kun' at the end of pple's names...)**_

waz slepping on the mos.

 _ **(Great job, you slapped a mos burger?)**_

"JazzPaw get up." She cried.

 _ **(Aww, Starpaw, don't cry here, cry outside the forest where you can water the trees and not disturb the warriors! Go!)**_

JazzPaw opend her brlliaint blu eyes and looked at hr.

 _ **(New vocab here: brilliaint. Take note, aspiring trollfic-writers.)**_

"Do yo want 2 go on pattrol wit me?" she asked.

 _ **(Starpaw, apparently, finds it fun to lure little apprentices out into the forest with her everlasting charm, then kill them, and blame it on cats of higher rank than her, to get them all exiled from the Clan, so that she can rise up to the undeserved rank of leader and can rule from the insightful perch of Spiderleg's leg.)**_

"Sure!" Said JazzPaw getten up from the moss. They leavt and went two the entrnse too camp.

 _ **(They went THROUGH the entrance TO camp?! What? Were they outside? What were they doing outside of camp, huh, sleeping? Lazy apprentices!)**_

But then, a cat came in thru the entrnce! It was BlackStar!1!11

 _ **(Don't forget the alliance. Maybe he was in need of serious mental help because xdarkrosesx planted some extra '1's and '!'s behind his name!)**_

"Shadowclan are attaking!" She yelled.

 _ **(So Blackstar WALKS in through the entrance, ALL BY HIMSELF, and you think ShadowClan, which is a singular noun, ARE attacking. This, fellow amigos, is bad grammar at it's ultimate.)**_

All the cats came out from there dens. She jumped on a cat and clawd him and he ran of.

 _ **(So...Starpaw jumped onto one of the cats coming out from their dens? Wouldn't she be jumping on a ThunderClan cat? Right, I remember. She wants to get rid of cats of higher rank of her, blame it on poor Blackstar, and gradually rise through the messed-up ranks to become the shining example of a leader.)**_

"Good job StarPaw!" FireStar called, "The last cat i new that culd fiht lik that was SandStrom. Your a good fihter!"

 _ **(Of course, Starpaw can fight as well as Sandstrom but cannot fight as well as Sandstorm. Sure.)**_

StarPaw was happy. She wus a good fihgter!

 _ **(The tense being a past tense. 'Was' is a past tense and will always be, indicating she isn't a good fighter now. In fact, little derpina, you shouldn't be a good fighter in the first place, but sadly you're a Starpaw-Sue and you're created by the twisted xdarkrosesx!)**_

Maybey this was wat the prophcy meant.

 _ **(Well, let's review the prophecy...**_

 _ **Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly.**_

 _ **This prophecy totally meant that Starpaw would destroy a poor ShadowClan leader AND kill an innocent cat. Totally.**_

 **thnkx and ples no more flams**

 _ **(What 'bout...WATER! [dumps a bucket of water on xdarkrosesx] See, you gotta be more original.)**_

* * *

 **We're done and over with this. Done and over. (tries to calm myself down) My brain will not explode. It will not. At least, not yet...(gazes at the original copy of Starkit's Prophecy with teary eyes) Alright! I'll see you, hopefully soon! (regains a happy demeanour and skips away)**


	5. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone!**

 **Reply to Reviews:**

 **AnEternalMelodyToAFlamingSoul: Yay! Thanks for all your positive reviews! I have never done this before, and am doubtful this is actually possible, but...virtual cookie for you!**

 **The Willow of Ancient Souls: Thanks! Oh, I forgot about that, so sorry! Virtual cookie for you too!**

 **Not sure if any of you noticed, but The Willow of Ancient Souls kindly told me that I forgot to post the 5 points for the last chapter ! Ahh! Oops! So sorry! (And thanks so much, The Willow of Ancient Souls)**

 **If you still can remember the last chapter, which is thankfully very forgettable, eh-hem, let me introduce the 5 learning points for Chapter 2...**

 **1) Xdarkrosesx is trying (and failing) to cultivate her readers' good imagination, instead leading to a heightened bad impression of her, her story and Starpaw-Sue.**

 **2) Flamepaw, Lakepaw and Jazzpaw have weird addictions, in which they slap mos burgers.**

 **3) We learn a new vocab, 'brilliaint'.**

 **4) Blackstar is very mental, because of the amount of '!'s and '1's xdarkrosesx put after his name. Well, we shouldn't be surprised, should we, considering he's in _this_ story. In fact, I'm not surprised he isn't stir-crazy yet.**

 **5) Starkit's twisted mind leads to her interpreting prophecies in an equally twisted way.**

 **Soo, let's start on Chapter 3!**

* * *

Chapter Three The Traning Under The Star  
 **OMGOSH GUkys im so sorry but SOMEONE glares at rainy days FLAMED ME AND I GOT REALLY HURT.**

 _ **(Someone glared at the person called 'rainy days FLAMED ME'? And you got really hurt instead of that someone? This is...strange. And that's a massive understatement, yo.)**_

 **OKKAY IF you dont LIKE thestor y you dont have to readit u know.**

 _ **(But then you wouldn't get the beautiful, wondrous flames you deserve.)**_

Chapter Three The Traning Under The Stars

 _ **(If it's during the night then just say so. Oh wait, in Starpaw's world there can be stars during the day, right? Right. That's how perfectly-logical this story is.)**_

Shadowclan run from the camp.

 _ **(The plural thing again...sigh...)**_

StarPaw smiled. Shed one!

 _ **(Yeah, she the buttery recently-apprenticed Starpaw-Sue won against ShadowClan, which is made out of Blackstar and air. And that is totally impressive.)**_

Noone cod hurt her family now .

 _ **(I don't understand. When part of her family is made up of Mary-Sues and the rest are slightly insane, 'noone cod' wouldn't exactly want to bother their family.)**_

StarPaw!" said FireStar. "Its time we train!" I want to show you how to fight!"

 _ **(I want to show you how to fight to lose to Blackstar!)**_

"Ok." Sad StarPaw happl;y. "but yo just saw I culd fight, write?"

 _ **(No, but you won, Starpaw. Firestar, the good old man, is trying to make you into a normal cat, since it would be better for you, your family and the whole Clan. So he must teach you to lose like a normal cat.**_

"Well, ya." said FireStar. "But I wnted tol see if that was all you new."

 _ **(She knows a lot, Firestar. Like how to piss the skin of cats and Two-legs readers alike.)**_

"Ok." They went to the frost togather and the other cats cleaned jp the bodies.

 _ **(The bodies of air that were defeated by Starpaw, who had clawed them away, I assume.)**_

"Ok StarPaw" said Firestar one they got their. "We'll start with how to dog.

 _ **(Ooh, sounds fun. K, let's dog together, one, two, three, go! Woof woof, woof woof woof!)**_

"Cmon thas too easy!" yelled StarPaw. Shed just beat BlackStar she was ready for anything!

 _ **(Ready for me to wallop you with a sledgehammer for every word that you speak? Sure!)**_

"ok Ok" mewled FiresTar, lets learn how to claw an oponit.

 _ **(Tsk, tsk, Firestar, your training skills are really bad. Teaching Starpaw to claw an oponit instead of an opponent? [shakes head disappointedly] Bad Firestar. And, by the way, new vocabulary here, the OPONIT! Everyone give a round of appplause...)**_

"Ya." Yowled Starkit.

 _ **(When your mentor, who has perfectly good hearing, is standing two metres away from you, I think shouting may be redundant, don't you think?)**_

She jumped at FireStar not Giving hiM time to attakc. "She hit his side he didn't move he was to surprise. she clawed him and he started bledding.

 _ **(So surprised as to why the Starpaw-Sue named after StarClan is behaving like a regular of the Dark Forest Training Centre Pte Ltd, hmm?)**_

"wow StarPaw" he said ".Your doing awesome." "Really?" gaped StarPaw. She didn't think she was doing that god was she relly special like the porphesy meowed?

 _ **(Xdarkrosesx, I'm tired of scolding you, but really, you neeed to make you Starpaw-Sues smarter. Smarter I tell you, SMARTER.)**_

"Yes StarPaw." Snarled Firestar.

 _ **(Ooh, your great-grandfather hates you? Not another family feud! [rocks back in my chair with an 'all-hope-is-lost' expression] Why? Does it run in the genes? Firestar and Sandstorm, then Squirrelflight and Leafpool, then Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw, then Jayfeather, Hollyleaf and Lionblaze, then Jayfeather and Lionblaze, and now this?! Like, what is this world coming to?**_

 _ **#Endofmyranting**_

 _ **Right, so you get what I mean. Xdarkrosesx is very creative.)**_

"I couldnteven get away in fast enough. Only scourg was did that before.,"

 _ **(Tigerstar killed you, remember, Firestar? Not to mention Hawkfrost [and the Two-legs] getting your frustratingly-empty head up a trap? Mmm, do you remember? Arrgh, you ARE hopeless after all.)**_

"OMGOSH REALLY?" asked StarPaw. Scourg?1?

 _ **(Yeah, who else do you think? Of course its 'Scourg?1?'.**_

THE SCOURG? She dherad so muchj about him he was really evil and killed alot of cats.

 _ **(Scourge kills cats, Starpaw kills the brain cells of cats, what's the difference?)**_

"I'M LIKE SCOURG? "I didnt mean it like that" FirePaw sad fastly.

 _ **(New vocabulary, everyone! Apparently there is such a thing as being 'sad fastly'. It refers to Firestar, so I'm assuming it means something along the lines of defensiveness, a lack of empathy, or maybe just pure idiocy. Perhaps the third one, do you not think?)**_

"I ment you wer a good fighter. Its really cool."

 _ **(It's really cool to be clawed to a bloody, gory pile of blood and meat, and be eviscerated by an apprentice! This is about as logical as if ShadowClan liked to eat fish and rabbits.**_

At that minute he thought to himself 'Starpaws so kawaii look at her eys and her fur.

 _ **(How does he ever think of such a thing. Firestar, look[exhales through nose], you really have amazing fashion sense, do you? She's a purple-coloured Starpaw-Sue with a star on her head, who can't decide whether her eyes are molting orange or a confused rainbow, and you think she's cute? Ehh...)**_

"Oh ok thanks."

 _ **(Your great-grandfather thinks you're cute, all the while staring at you like a maniac, while you just be like 'oh ok thanks'. Hee-hee, so articulate.)**_

They trained floor

 _ **(The training ground has a floor? I clap.)**_

awhile later StarPaw beat FireStar 8 times once she let him win to make him fel bettar and b y the last one she was alittle tired.

 _ **(A little, I see.)**_

"Hey FireStar can we hunt now." Said StarPaw. "im kinda hungry."

 _ **(So you're the one deciding this, even though you're the apprentice here. Great job.)**_

"Oh we'll if you want." Firestar was disappointed he and; starPaw had been having so much fun.

 _ **(You call being beaten 8 times by an apprentice**_ **fun** _ **? Uggh.)**_

So they went huntng, StarPaw messed up a couple times but FireStar said it was okaysince it was only her second time (she'd had her first time when she was a littlekit and she and FireStar had snuck out together that's why he chose her as his apprentice_.

 _ **(Is this tilting towards incest? And, sure, cats would totally not notice if a bright orange poofball creeped through the dirtplace out of the camp with a PURPLE kitty with a STAR on her head and creepily-glowing rainbow eyes.)**_

Later that night StarPaw locked up at the stars.

 _ **(Since she's Starpaw, she has the power to lock stars up with that star on her forehead.)**_

She and Firestar had'd so much fun this day. Theyd brung back enough food for the hole clan.

 _ **(Didn't know ThunderClan went into hiding in the tunnels. Last time I checked, they were still in their original camp...So this is how things work here.)**_

Locking upn at the stars she turned to her best friend, JazzPaw, and said, "Do you think well ever be up there."

 _ **(I sure do hope not for the sake of the StarClan residents there.)**_

"Ya totally." Said JazzPaww. "I mean youll be l,eader and I'll be depudy one day well have too!"

 _ **(Now she's commanding StarClan. Whew, 'bossy' is a far cry from what she is.)**_

"Ya." Said StarPaw smiling she loved JazzPaw NOT IN THAT WAY U SICKOS!)

 _ **(Sure, because I definitely can trust you, xdarkrosesx.)**_

they were best friends. She loked up at the stars again and smiled and fell asleep wit the Starcaln voices whisper in her head.

 _ **(She-she can sleep with creepy voices tinkling in her head? Wowww, I'm impressed there.)**_

 **REVIEW R MY LIFE**

 _ **(Everybody, don't review please! If she has no life she won't be able to continue this story. We all want that, right? [Looks around to see affirmative nods] Okay, so stop reviewing [the original story])**_

(lol u like it Jazzy I mead you as kawai as I could(

 _ **(Fail. Teribble, miserable, fail.)**_

* * *

 **Done! Learning points for today:**

 **1) Someone's username is 'rainy days FLAMED ME'. Cool.**

 **2) A new fish, 'noone cod', is a species of cod fish. Ahem.**

 **3) Firestar has short-term/no memory.**

 **4) Family issues run in Firestar's family.**

 **5) ThunderClan cats are so observant that they don't notice suspicious orange and purple blobs slowly floating through the Dirtplace.**

 **Kk cya!**


	6. Chapter 4

**Hi, and I'm back again! Sorry for the late update, I was busy.**

 **Reply to reviews:**

 **AnEternalMelodytoaFlamingSoul: Thanks a lot! Wait, xdarkrosesx was 13 when she started writing this? Wow. And I totally agree about the toddler part. Although the autocorrect application would have crashed a long time ago, what with all the bad spelling and grammar xdarkrosesx uses. :)**

 **Seraph the Beyonce Potato: I'm gonna do it in this chapter, just at the end of it, so don't worry. Ooh, do you like potatoes? [It's in your username] I like potatoes a lot!**

* * *

Chapter For StarPaws decids

 _ **(She decides whether she should continue her life, since it's already more screwed-up then it could ever be.)**_

flamrs ur all satanits!11

 _ **(That's alright, but well, they/we can always take out their/our fire extinguishers and spray xdarkrosesx-smothering foam at xdarkrosesx.)**_

anyon who dosent like the stro is a staneist

 _ **(Haven't done this in a long time, so...new word! 'Staneist'! They are...a special breed of cats that...don't like Starkit's Prophecy.**_

cause StarGIPaw has such a strng conecton with sTarcaln and thats why you dot like it, its cause u do ntlik JEZUS!

 _ **(That is totally irrelevant, xdarkrosesx. And you probably don't care for Starpaw if you spell her as 'StarGIPaw'. Like, whaaaat?)**_

"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole."

 _ **(New word here, 'parole'! Fellow trollfic-writers, be sure to use this invaluable spelling mistake in your trollfiction! And keep tuned for more of such helpful errors you can weave into your story to truly make your reluctant readers throw up!)**_

StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund.

 _ **(So warrior cats have locks now? I'll assume they're combination locks since it would be hard to safeguard keys.)**_

"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow.

 _ **(Starpaw has just turned into Yellowfang. Mmmm.)**_

"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip wisperd in her er.

 _ **(Gah, another word,**_ **wisperd _. Wisperd= Wisp [which means a little bit] + Whispered [which mean spoke very softly] So GrayStip [Yes, Graystip not Graystripe] must have spoken very softly.)_**

StarPaw gottedup.

 _ **(Great grammar! Cheers! [raises cup] Anyone with me here?)**_

"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1

 _ **(He wants you to kill him since xdarkrosesx spelled him as 'Graystip' instead of the perfectly-logical 'Graystripe'.)**_

she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr.

 _ **(Xdarkrosesx was really serious about all warrior cats having combination locks?! Everyone let's imagine together...a world where all cats have those cool 4-number combination locks swinging by their tails, and they'll lock and unlock their locks for the heck of it. Sounds interesting? Great, then!)**_

"Wll u be my mat" hE ESked.

 _ **(Okay, it doesn't matter whether Graystripe wants to be Starpaw's mate or Starpaw's mat, but both means my prediction is correct. See, I predicted Graystripe wanted Starpaw to kill him. Being Starpaw's mate will kill Graystripe, because Graystripe will die because of Starpaw's Mary-Sue powers. Now, let us consider the other much-more-uncommon option: That Graystripe wants to be Starpaw's mat. If getting trodden over by Starpaw's Mary-Sue paws don't kill Graystripe, I don't know what does.)**_

"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me."

 _ **(Oh, so toms are now falling over their paws to get Starpaw's paws all over them. If you know what I mean.)**_

"wel then hes jst an idot."

 **(Because the loyal Graystripe would totally call his best friend, life-saver, Clan-saver and Clan leader an idiot.)**

"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole."

 _ **(Whaaaaaaaat)**_

StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund.

 _ **(Obviously, OBVIOUSLY xdarkrosesx accidentally [sarcastic cough] copied and pasted this section. Perhaps she just liked the scene where Graystripe was all mushy over Starpaw. Ewww.)**_

"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow.

"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip wisperd in her er. StarPaw gottedup.

"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1 she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr. "Wll u be my mat" hE ESked.

"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me."

"wel then hes jst an idot."

 _ **(Let's continue our review and reading here, shall we?)**_

y do u say tha?" yellED STARPaw

 _ **(A just-apprenticed cat who falls in love with a cat twice his age, and she's a medicine cat, who isn't allowed to have a mate. Now call Firestar 'not an idiot'. I DARE you too.)**_

GayStrip locked at hr meanly.

 _ **(Gay?! Ehehehehe)(You know, this was the point when I realised that**_ _ **xdarkrosesx has a very sick mind indeed.)**_

"i dont lik him" sqeakd GrayStripe he locked arund fastly.

 _ **(I realised that all the cats lock their locks many times, but they don't unlock them. But cats are required to unlock the lock to lock it again.)**_

"hes a mean cat!

 _ **(Talk about yourself.)**_

"OMIGOSH U MEAN LIKE SCOURG?" STARPAW SHOCKED.

 _ **(And who did she shock? Did she shock Graystripe, her future mat?)**_

"No ur much prtter then sourg" said Graystripe he licked her on the head I want u to be my mat." he yeleled.

 _ **(Where did that come from? Umm, like, they were just talking about Firestar being mean like Scourge, then suddenly it turned to Starpaw being prettier than Scourge? Uh, what just happened?)**_

"Well mabey. but what would FireStar say?" she wispereed. GrayStripe locked around agan. "I dont think he wuld mind." said GraStri;e

 _ **(And that's definitely for you to decide, 'GraStri;e'.)**_

"OMIGOSH SUR THAN!" StarPaww yelleded happly.

 _ **(You guys sure are weird. I mean, a Mary-Sue can yodel? What?)**_

"Wat ar uo ta;kin abut" said FireHert he was walkin up. He locked angrily.

 _ **(How does he know about the mat discussion between Graystripe and Starpaw?**_

"oh uhhhh nuthin FireStar go back to sleep!" mwled StarPaw hoppin he would leaf so she culd be alon with grayStripe.

 _ **(Hoppin he would leaf? Wow, great job xdarkrosesx.)**_

"Yah FireStra theres nithing to wory about!"

 _ **(Except for the fact that Graystripe just snatched away your purple Mary-Sue mat, called you mean, and compared you to Scourge.)**_

cherrid GrayStrpe but Firestar didn't leave insted he said i thought I herd you asking her to be our mate."

"oh uh yeh. yELLED STARPaw but he didn;t leaf instead he jumped on GrayStripe!1!11

"I Want to be wit her!" said FireHart attakin GraySriep.

 _ **(In the apprentice's den? And none of the other apprentices even woke up and gave a damn?)**_

"No I do!" shouted.

 **(Shouted who?)**

"guysys stop fihting you can BOTH be my mats!

 _ **(Meaning: Guys, stop beating up each other in the apprentice den, just because you all want me, the beautiful perfect rug of a Starpaw-Sue. There are apprentices here, you know, and your type of fighting will just traumatise them and give them PTSD.)**_

StarPaw wispered apply like seCert."

 _ **(It's like Starpaw was giving Graystripe and Firestar instructions on how to take Starpaw as a mat.**_

"No we can;t do that their can only be 1!11

 _ **(There can only be '1!11'. Got it.)**_

Howled Firestar.

 _ **(So he turned into a dog, hmm?)**_

"Otterwies youll chet on us."

 _ **(Otters will cheat on cats? I thought otters wouldn't want to meet cats in the first place.)**_

"So StarGleam, who will u pik?" giggled GayStipe.

 _ **(1. If GayStipe was really gay, Starpaw had to be a tom.**_

 _ **2\. If GayStipe was really gay, he wouldn't have giggled girlishly. Although this**_ **is _Starkit's Prophecy, so I guess this is correct.)_**

* * *

 ** _The five points to learn for this chapter:_**

 ** _1\. We learn three new words, 'Staneist', 'parole' and 'Wisperd'._**

 ** _2\. Warrior cats wear combination locks on their tails and lock and unlock their locks while having conversations._**

 ** _3\. Xdarkrosesx has a twisted mind, considering she labelled Graystripe as gay._**

 ** _4\. Starpaw's a mat! AHHHHHH!_**

 ** _5\. Otters cheat on cats and Firestar's a dog._**

 ** _Okay, before I time out, Seraph the Beyonce Potato would like to advertise her forum, Night Walkers. She's looking for new, trustworthy members and possible moderators._**

 ** _Her forum has roleplays, challenges, and games. I saw and read some of them and I found them really really cool. Actually I would join myself, but I can be very busy sometimes and am simply not ready to make the commitment. I do recommend that you join; the roleplays are really fun._**

 ** _Alright, time to scram. Cya!_**


	7. Chapter 5

**Hi, and we're back again, for another episode of ' _Starkit's Prophecy: A rare educational-yet-funny (I hope) review!'_**

 **Um, okay, so...let's start...?**

* * *

Chapter Five Untidles

 ** _(Let's introduce a new word, 'untidles')_**

UR OLL JUST SAINTS y cant u just except jEsuss it wold mae ur life so much mor engoyable u would never haf to worr/ again

 _ **(Ooh, look at the many red curly lines underneath the words! So much vocab the dictionary hasn't heard of!)**_

StarPaw sad "I..i….." she was so foncusded!

 ** _(Ha! Ha! That's gotta be the most 'foncusded' word I ever heard! Ay, folks, a new word here! Foncusded!)_**

Thes to cats hard asked her to b there mates an wht was she supops to do?

 ** _(Kill herself. Didn't it state in the Mary-Sue Code, Page 957, line 5 that Mary-Sues shouldn't be mats? And didn't the Mary-Sue Code, Page 489, Line 23 say that a Mary-Sue should do anything to benefit her Clan? Well, killing herself would honour both rules! She wouldn't become a mat, and she benefits her Clan, and actually Clans, by handing them back their sanities on a silver plate of her death?)(Whoops, my rant was too long. If you don't understand it, nevermind, since I don't seem to understand it myself either.)_**

They we beoth handsome and althing,

 _ **(Two characteristics of the mate of a Mary-Sue:**_

 _ **1\. Beoth handsome**_

 _ **2\. Althing**_

 _ **Remember that!)**_

but bot had matss!

 _ **(That's not an issue. In the Two-leg world, we can have as much mats as we want, as long as we got the money to buy them. I mean, some people's homes are strewn with mats, rugs, carpets etc., right? Why can't cats be the same?)**_

Nhd she luvved them both!

 _ **(Gawd major incest alert!)**_

FirstAr wus so kind and he oviusly likked her allot.

 **(So a Mary-Sue has a body part called an 'allot' that toms liked.)**

GayStirpe was so funny and col.

 **(But yet don't like that allot of hers.)**

"!" said StarPaw ass she ruan in to the forest.

 ** _(Totally articulate! Definitely! Then again, Starpaw's ass couldn't have said much.)_**

It wus to muck# she culdnt choss!

 _ **(Xdarkrosesx was trying to create a new hashtag, #sheculdntchoss. But I think she just created a failure of a hashtag and a new pronunciation of 'chess'.)**_

She run and ran and run til ur paws her hurtinged.

 _ **(Stupid Starpaw-Sue, can't even tell the difference between past tense and present tense, and don't even know how to use past tense. No wonder her paws hurt; it was because they were tense when she was running.**_

 _ **Ha! A pun! Although it's very lame.**_ _ **Thank you, thank you! Address me as the Punmistress Echoshadow,**_ _ **thank**_ ** _you very much!)_**

Hen she rrellized she corsed the broader.

 _ **(Ahh, her corset grew broader. But that's to be certain, it couldn't hold all of Starpaw's Mary-Sue powers without the rubber being overstretched, eh?)**_

Oih no she thugh

 _ **(Ahh, I totally get the meaning of this.)**_

Shadowclan will get me.

 _ **(Good. I specially hired them to kill you, little turdhead.)**_

"wut are you ding here?" sd BalkStar s he waked up.

 _ **(Wait, 'waked up'? You were sleeping? I thought I posted you on guard duty so you could kill Starpaw at the first moment? You're useless. Utterly useless.)**_

"I'm sorry!" mewoed StarKit I didn't men too!'

 **(She...answered the question well, didn't she?)**

That's ok" sed blackStar. "no wons perfeck."

 _ **(Hey! Why aren't you killing her yet? Me, the Punmistress Echoshadow, command you to kill Starpaw! I may not be perfeck, and I may not be perfect, but you still have to listen to me!)**_

"no that's not true." Said StarPaw, offed.

 _ **(Boy, if someone could switch Starpaw off and if she actually died or something, I would definitely, DEFINITELY thank the person profusely.)**_

"StarClan is."

 _ **(Of course, they're perfeck but they're not perfect. I see the logic here.)**_

"Waht do you mena?" wemed BlackStar.

 _ **(Ahh, I see the reason why BlackStar won't kill Starpaw yet. It's because he's stupid. Well, I should have known.)**_

"well the give us all this halpand stuff" said Starpaw.

 _ **(Hey, StarClan! Do you actually give these morons halpand? New word, btw.)**_

\"without them we wold be lust." She said.

 _ **(Hey, StarClan! Is it true that you guys are the only barrier that prevents a million kits from spawning in the Clans? Although xdarkrosesx didn't have to put it in that ever-so-innocent way...she really does have a sick, twisted mind.)**_

"I gess that's ter " balkcStar said, "besid I didn't relly mean that neway.

 _ **(Good, Blackstar, you are resisting Starpaw's seducing skills. But not enough for you to go on and kill her.)**_

"o really why?" said starpaw. "becus yo are."

 _ **(Such a good explanation.)**_

'WHAT' YOWLED sTarpaw jumping away BlackkStarTried to nugle her.

 _ **(My only conclusion here: Nugle= Snuggle. Got it. New word, people!)**_

"WHAT ARE O TRIG TO DO MOLE STRAEP ME?1?"

 _ **(The moles wouldn't be very happy, being accused of strapping Starpaw down. First the otters, then the moles. What exactly are you thinking, xdarkrosesx?)**_

"e—" BlakStar started too expaln, but, StarPw wass to quick

 _ **(Despite being strapped down by moles.)**_

"no" she Sid "I don't doned another tom after me!"

 _ **(Really? Because you becoming a mat x3 sounds fascinating enough to me.)**_

"I got enog porbelms arigt now anywy!

 _ **(Like a bunch of Fanfiction readers wanting to slaughter you.)**_

"but yor pahfect." Said Blackstar. "you betted me in badle you HAVE TO BE "

 _ **(NOTE THE ACCENT! NOTE THE aaaaaaaaccent. She's pah-fect. Pah-fect.)**_

"NO!" shitted SarPaw Again runnin into the forst.

 _ **(Sigh. Rewind this horror of a chapter...Starpaw's ass ain't proficient in English, but Starpaw's shit is?)**_

Ters ralled down her checks she was cyring. 'its too much" sahe though. "Starcalnb help me….!"

 _ **(StarClan, huh? Fat hope, little Starpaw. You have so much fat hope that I'm surprised that corset of yours [refer to above comment] hasn't broken the moment you were born.**_

 _ **Is that a pun?**_

 _ **Nevermind.)**_

* * *

 **5 points here.**

 **1) The mate of a Mary-Sue needs to be 'beoth handsome' and 'althing'.**

 **2) New words coming through, 'halpand', 'foncusded', 'untidles', 'choss' and 'perfeck'.**

 **3) Starpaw's ass sucks at English, unlike the shit coming through it.**

 **4)Starpaw has a corset. dun, Dun, DUN.**

 **5) Toms are attracted to a body part that only Mary-Sues have. It's called the 'allot'. [My, that sounds wrong XD.]**

 **Anyway,please, I need some good warrior names quickly! My friend's finding a warrior name. She's a girl but she's not too girlish. She's kinda ambitious, and likes the name Hazel. Please help!**

 **Thanks,**

 **The Potato Punmistress Echoshadow.**


	8. Chapter 6

**Good morning/afternoon/evening/night! Well, I'm back again. Sorry for taking so long to write up this story; I was focusing on my other story, _A Peek Into StarClan (Parody)_ , and well, I had other stuff...**

 **Replies to reviews:**

 **Godmaster1175: Yup, I totally agree on that. And yup, pun noticed there.**

 **xxLightsongxx (for Chapter 3 in the story): Ehehehe, yeah, there _is_ something called HoleClan. In Stargleam's world, that is.**

 **Right. The show is about to start!**

* * *

Chapter Six Desions,

 **STUP GLAMING!11! IF YOU'R AN FLAM,E YOUR A STNITS AND WIL BUN IN HEIKL!**

LASTEST TIEM ON STARKITS PROPEHY:;

 _ **(Yet again, another new vocab, 'Lastest'. It means latest and last combined.)**_

"NO!" shitted SarPaw Again runnin into the forst.

 _ **(Attention: Starpaw has bowel movement problems. Please evacuate to the nearest Mary-Sue shelter and await further instructions, to salvage the pitiful remnants of your tattered sanities.)**_

Ters ralled down her checks she was cyring. 'its too much" sahe though. "Starcalnb help me….!"

 _ **(Great StarClan, no! StarClan, listen up, if you help her, I'll do a lobotomy on all your cats, StarClan or not!)**_

Afert tat StrPaw walkde thru the frost.

 _ **(Didn't know it was winter. Huh.)**_

She wus so depresedded! Hu was seh sapost to pik?/?/

 _ **(Then don't. Go curl up in some fox den and cry. Boo-hoo-hoo. Oh, I'm totally showing compassion here.)**_

Then she saw JayFethre cumin thru the forst tords her.

 _ **(Xdarkrosesx, stop inserting pervertic words in here!)**_

"JayFeathr im soooo confusedd wat do i do she yelled their are three toms atref me! TREEE!"!

 ** _(Well, look, there are tree toms after here!)_**

i know" sed jayFethr he locked happy.

 ** _(Medicine cats have the locks too? Thought it was just for normal cats.)_**

"thats good four you it menzz that p[eo[le like uo. he told he smilling.

 _ **(No, we Twolegs certainly don't like Starpaw.)**_

"NO NUT I LUV ALL OF THEM" sed StarPaw back waling upst. "I DON'T KNO WHO TO [ICK!1!1"

 _ **(This cat has mental issues. Institution of Mental Health, or the lack of it, here we come!)**_

"wel ten let me tel yo a stor.y said JayFeathern and he sat don. Onceu pon a tiem there were afew cats that I licked."

 _ **(So it goes like this. A medicine cat was feeling like a pervert, so when his daughter, an apprentice, came to him asking for love advice, he construed a story about licking cats to tell her? This is what I call logic.)**_

"hu where they sad StarPaw snifing.

 ** _(Were they sad? Of course they were, with cats like you roaming the world!)_**

"theyre names were DawnSpark;e and... Stick/ saud JayFeather.

"OMG STICK wispred StarPaw "YOU WHERE IN LUV WITH A STICK?

 _ **(Technically you can't infer that because a cat can be named Stick.)**_

She culdnt belief it. After al this tim she finds out that her fathe loved a sTICK. SHE GAPD IN SHOC.

 _ **(Good for you, dolt.)**_

"Wat did you do? she esked thoug cuase she was crios.

 _ **(Sigh. My brain juices have run dry. Someone please think of a witty remark for this.)**_

Wel I culdn have kids with a stcik now culd i?" said JayPaw and he locked confuded.

 ** _(New update! Your catty combination locks have emotions! )_**

LIKE HE DIDN;T EVN KNO SHE WAS GNNA ASK THt qestn.

"sO YOU WENT WITH DAWNSPARKLE INSTD! YELLED STARpaw locking vry happi. "but that doesn;t help me what am I spost to do?/?

 **(Kill yourself.)**

"Folo youre hart said Jayfeahr.

 _ **(That stone heart that ruthlessly resulted in many brain cells' demise? Nah, I wouldn't follow**_ **that _heart if I was her.)_**

"Who do yo want to be wit/"

Hmm StarPaw taught for a secund. FireStar!"

 _ **(Bad, bad choice.)**_

she yelldd and then run of to tel him that she ;oved him

 _ **(Eek! I hate Mary-Sue X TC protagonist fluff!)**_

NO FLAMSE!1!12!1

 _ **(Shaddup then, if you don't want a scorched review page.)**_

* * *

 **La, la, la, it's done, my mood's never been better! Because of every chapter I do, and the feelings of repulsion I experience within it, whenever I feel lousy, I'm reminded that I have been through worse days! How AmAzInG is that?**

 **5 Learning Points:**

 **1\. New vocab, 'Lastest'.**

 **2\. Xdarkrosesx is pervetic.**

 **3\. Jayfeather is also pervetic.**

 **4\. Starpaw makes random inferences, but they are correct because she's a Starpaw-Sue.**

 **5\. The combination locks worn by cats are worn by meddie cats too, and they come with emotions.**

 **Cya**

 **~Echoshadow**


	9. Chapter 7

**Really sorry I updated late! I was off on a holiday without my laptop :(**

 **Reply to review:**

 **AnEternalMelodyToAFlamingSoul: Why, thank you!**

 **Anyway, here ya go!**

* * *

Chapter Ate The Serimmony 1

 _ **(Oh, this is good. The chapter ate the serimmony! What a greedy chapter!)**_

STOP REVOFIGN BAD! but than u JASZpAW for tehh godo revewis uve ben levving

 _ **(Uhh, I hate [cough] to break it to you, but I did**_ **not _understand what you typed. Assuming it was actually a string of words and not a cat hitting the keyboard, of course. Then again, a cat could probably type with more accuracy than you if trained. And, by the way, I highly doubt that you actually trained. That is, if anyone wanted to train you. But that person would probably now be locked away in an asylum, having gone mad from your typing skills. Or the lack of them. Come to think of it, if we continue reading this story, then we would definitely be locked up/down there too in due time. Although I think the weird, rambling paragraph I just wrote [glances up at paragraph] should earn me a one-way trip there and a free straitjacket.)_**

StarPaw skided into de Camp. "FIRSTAR" SHE YOWLED "I ha to tel; uo somesting?"

 _ **(She wanted to tell Firestar that given his awkward, Mary-Sue-biased personality, he should change his name from Firestar to Firstar.)**_

"nut ow StarOaw" he sadi "yuve gut to become WARRIOR!'

 _ **(Ouch. Only Starpaw's gut can become a warrior, and the rest of her remains an apprentice. [Me snorts into my soup] Oh dear.)**_

"MOGOSH REALLY creamed StarPaw.

 _ **(I see, Firestar wanted Starpaw's gut to become a warrior because there's a treasure inside: cream! Purrfect!)**_

YEAH SAID firestar "Youv been a war for onll 3.14 dayss butt u are the best apent ice in the cAlan.

 _ **(Because of Twoleg food in her stomach. I suppose Firstar **_**_here was pining after his Twoleg food, eh? Pun alert, pun alert!)_**

Ur perfect. We ndd you to help dfeat BlackStar and ShadowclaN. And all teh other calns. Tehy are tyring 2 attack us were in the meddle of a warr. "

 _ **(Didn't she already defeat Blackstar and the ShadowClan army of one cat and infinite bodies of air?)**_

"omgosh WE ARE?" scremmed StarPal she sus so surpissed!

 _ **(I think you remember the word surpissed from a previous chapter. Still, let's review it.)**_

"Ya DustPelt did while U were away in your walk Rivrclan attacked us."

 _ **(Err, what exactly did Dustpelt do?)**_

Said SandTrom. She locked

 _ **(The lock, again. So warriors' locks can also have emotions, too!)**_

sortaf sad she New FireStart lovved Stargleam. But it wass ok she newt wht wus best.

 _ **(She was a newt?)**_

"OMGoht" sid StarPaw. "Quickk mack me a warrror!"

 _ **(Her gut will be 'macked' a warrior. Cool.)**_

"Oak" said Firestar. He wlaked up to StarPaw. "aLL Cats Gather Round Who Are Older To Cach There One Prey!"

 _ **(There is an artefact in the Clan that cats are supposed to gather around. It is called 'Who Are Older To Cach There One Prey'. Remember that.)**_

"Tday we are making a new Warrior."

 _ **(It is ze gut!)**_

The calnn GASPED!

 _ **(Why the drama?)**_

"SarkPaw! StarPaw!: shouted the clan. They all new infancy it was she whom was beng mad a warrior.

 _ **(Or her gut, that is.)**_

Starpaw was so exited! She'd never bin so hap inner life!

 _ **(In her twisted, freakish life.)**_

"StarPaw….." said FirePaw. He was simile

 _ **(H-how is Firepaw a simile?)**_

like shed never sent him simle behfore. "Are you ready to become a Warrior in the Name of Starcaln?:"

 _ **(Quick, Starpaw! Where's your Monopoly Deal 'Just Say No' card? Wasn't it you who hid it in the last Clan Games?)**_

"Yes!" she shock3d.

 _ **(Aww...)**_

"oak." Eh sad.

 _ **(So Firstar was pining for Twoleg food in Starpaw's stomach, and randomly said the word 'oak'? This is getting punnier and punnier.)**_

"Then by the powers of Starclan, I gave you this narme. From now on, you will be none as StarPaw for your pel which sings like the starss

 _ **(Then the stars must have really crappy voices.)**_

and ur conectin 2 StarClann. We onner you'r bravvery and" " kindness."

 _ **(And the cream you smuggled in from Twolegplace.)**_

"SarkPaw! StarPaw!: shouted the clan. They

StarGleam girned. She wass a Warrior! At least!"

 _ **(She is a newt with gin! She wants to be drunk! She should get vodka too!)**_

"FireScar," she said, cuming over 2 him.

 _ **([Pukes])**_

"I wanna tell u somesing." They locked sirously at him.

 _ **(Siri has a lock too!)**_

"yeah wat is it?" he sad, hop shinning in his eayres.

 _ **(Apparently eyes+ ears = eayres.)**_

Dos he knew? StarGlema think.

"Firestar…." She brethed. She cullednt she was actually dong this after so lung.

 ** _(Bad Stargleam! First you smuggled cream into the Clan in your stomach, then you hide...dongs...in your lung?)_**

"I….."

WINDCLAN ATTAK! Shioted a voise from obove the Camp.

It was….

HOLYLEAF!

 _ **(WindClan + Hollyleaf? This does not work!)**_

I workd reall' herd on dis chapter n tired 2 spell good so plzz review NICE!

 _ **(You don't need to be tired to spell badly, lady.)**_

* * *

 **Learning points:**

 **1) Warriors' locks have emotions too!**

 **2) Siri has a lock too.**

 **3) One word to review, surpissed, and one new word, eayres! (Did I spell it correctly?)**

 **4) Mary-Sues are allowed to smuggle cream into their stomachs and hide dongs in their lungs.**

 **5) Stars have really poor voices. End of conversation.**

 **Done! Cya!**

 **~Echoshadow**


	10. Chapter 8

**Right. Here we are again.**

 **Reply to Review**

 **Echo in the Whispering Wind - Thank you!**

 **Before I start on this, lemme do a check first: how many brain cells do I have? See, I have so little brain cells I can actually count them. And if you didn't know, I can probably only count to a small number, let's say 200, then I'll lose count. So I only have at most 200 brain cells left! Uh-oh. What has this story done to me? ;(**

* * *

Chatter NEIN Teh Evil Tigger and holY

 ** _(Btw, Google defines 'Nein' as the German word for 'no'. And 'Teh' is the localised-Singaporean word for 'tea'. So apparently xdarkrosesx don't want tea, Tigger (from the Winnie the Pooh show), and 'holY', whatever that is.)_**

 **I SAID NO FLAMES! YOUR JUST JELOS YOUR GOING 2 HEL LJESS IS OYUR SAVER**

 _ **(Do I see the word 'jellos'? Yum!)**_

"Ohno its HolyLeaf!" yelled FireStra he ranned away.

 _ **(Translation: "Oh no it's my Warrior-Code-hugging granddaughter that I hate because she reads the Warrior Code to me every time I'm sick and is supposedly evil!")**_

SandStrom wnet aftre him.

 _ **(Naw, SandStrom, you should know that StarGleam is your ex's mate now, don't go chasing him. He's got enough trouble like his evil grandkid hauling ass after him, he doesn't need another stalker.)**_

StarGlaem locked up.

 _ **(I'm honestly surprised [or should I say surpissed] that StarGleam's lock havn't broke from all the locking yet.)**_

HolyLeaf was stnding their and their was anodder chat with hr.

 _ **(Anyone who can read this without being the least bit frustrated, I hereby give you a round of applause.)**_

"OMIGOSH ITS TIGGERSTAR!"

 _ **(Oh no, the famous cartoon tiger from that childhood show, yes,**_ **that _one,_** _ **has risen from his figurative grave to haunt us! Noo!)**_

she hossed.

 _ **(Whips out notebook [the computer notebook or the paper notebook, anything works] Aha! New word! Hossed sounds chic and trendy; xdarkrosesx really knows how to create cool new words.)**_

"WHTA WIL WE DO!"

 _ **(We? How am**_ **I _a part of this now?)_**

"we figt." saud Jayfeathre

 _ **(Oh, goodness me. Readers, can 'cha try and imagine**_ **Jayfeathre _in an advertisement, standing there, all hero-y, puffing out his chest, and saying in this deep voice, "We figt." (pronounced as "we feet"). Suddenly a pair of feet appears on the screen, and across the screen flashes the big bold text, "Jayfeathre, the cat with a spelling error for a name, will come to save us all! Coming on the 32nd of February (it's intentional)." And then some ridiculous ukelele music comes on as the advertisement ends! Yippee yay yay!)_**

and he ran at HollyLeaf. StarGlema washed

 _ **(Great. While the other cats are literally fighting their butt-fur off, the only thing StarGleam has on her to-do list is to bathe?! I'm starting to doubt the genuineness of this Mary-Sue.)**_

as HolyLefa locked at JayFather and kiled him with one shot.

 _ **(Hollyleaf must be a complete psychopath to kill her brother with no hesitation or guilt or regret or whatever it is that cats feel when they pack their siblings off to StarClan. Oh wait, it's 'HolyLefa', not Hollyleaf. What a pretty name.)**_

"YOU KILDED MY FTHER!

 _ **(Someone kilded Jayfeather!)**_

she yelled and she attcked HolyLeaf. HollyPaw gut out of the way

 _ **(Yes, Hollyleaf, get your gut outta StarGleam's way, because StarGleam's gut is the best! Remember how her gut has the cream that Firestar longs for?)**_

and StarPaw attaked TiggerSar.

 _ **(The Star against the Tigger! Who will win? As far as I can see, it's equal, unless Tigger's friend Winnie the Pooh steps in and drowns StarGleam's newly-washed fur with honey. Then I'll think that StarGleam will be too panicked over her fur to actually care about the fight anymore)**_

"U killed TigerStra!" uelled FiresStar he locked happy. "You are speshil!"

 _ **(Speshil sounds like a kind of sushi O.o)**_

StarGleam was sooo happy, she didng notse as HollyLea grabbed Firestar and took him way.

 _ **(But...but...StarGleam was happy at what Firestar said, so happy that she didn't notice someone dragging the speaker away? What is this [non-existent] logic?!)**_

"OH NO" yelled StarKit. "WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!

 _ **(I highly recommend not. I think he's better off without you.)**_

 **a cilf hunger1!111!**

 **(The cliff is hungry, I see. So hungry that you have to feed him '1's)**

 **see im a god riter i no what thta id thx f4r the good revweiws JzzPaw && everon else WHOSE NIT A FALMER**

 ** _(Yet another statement that worsens my headache by like 10000 times.)_**

* * *

 **Woo-yay, we're done!**

 **y-ay Yay! y-ay Yay! y-ay y-ay YAY YAY YAYYYY!**

 **Our dear 5 learning points for today...**

 **1) Apparently, xdarkrosesx has a mysterious hate for tea. She also detests Tigger from the aforementioned cartoon show, and doesn't like the letters of the alphabet when they're strung into the word 'holY'.**

 **2) Firestar doesn't like his Warrior-code-obsessed descendant, even though as a leader (putting aside the fact that he's a _demented_ leader), he's expected to uphold the warrior code.**

 **3) New word, the 'hossed'! We havn't gave a warm welcome to these new creations for a long long time, so let's put our hands together for this new word! (Watches everyone touch their palms together silently) Argh, never mind.**

 **4) StarGleam loves her fur. (Which legit Mary-Sue doesn't?)  
**

 **5) Speshil is a kind of sushi, which makes the cliff hungry (?), but xdarkrosesx is cruel and only feed it those bastard '1's.**

 **We're done. Okay? Stop hyperventilating or else xdarkrosesx will stuff you people into a ventilating fan system thingamajig. I think it would help improve the efficiency of the system anyway. (Sees your cringing faces) That face, though. Don't worry, the rest of this story is going to be very much cringe-worthy as well.**

 **Signing off on an ominious note,**

 **Echoshadow**

 **The Lady Drowning In Misery Due To This Story.**


	11. Chapter 9

**Hi! This is Echoshadow, coming to greet yours truly from everywhere around the world! I'm coming here to...(face falls as I realise why I'm here)...uh, comment on this...uh...passage of horrendously-strung-up letters and numbers...(stuttering)**

 **Okay. Anyway, putting the depressing reason for my arrival aside, I would like to give a big shout out to AnEternalMelodyToAFlamingSoul, Echo in the Whispering Wind, and Goldenshine21! Thanks for reviewing, and Goldenshine21, thanks for being there throughout my very short life! Also, I would like to thank A Flower's Shade for the favouriting and following! Welcome aboard this adventure! (albeit a very perilous one)**

 **Reply to Reviews (Yess i get to put the 's' after 'Reviews' this time!)**

 **Echo in the Whispering Wind: Once again, thanks! ;)**

 **TheScaryCherry (Chapter 6): Oh, Star[whatever is her last name now] can be whatever she wants in her own world. After all, she** ** _is_** **a Star[kit/paw/gleam]-Sue. Right? (side-eyes the aforementioned cat)**

 **And in response to the many reviews Goldenshine21 posted...(dramatic grin)**

 **Goldenshine21 (Allegiances/Alliances): Genetically, no, purple eyes aren't allowed. But if Starkit can have such a ridiculous name, fur colour, eye colour, personality, and thinking...I think we should have fun and give poor Stonestream purple eyes, no?**

 **Goldenshine21 (Prologue): Uh...if Starwhatever was reading this...? Uh...she would die of anger before she could do anything...I hope.**

 **Goldenshine21 (Chapter 1): Are you saying Leafpool and Yellowfang aren't medicine cats?**

 **Goldenshine21 (Chapter 5): Just because a girl likes pink and Hello Kitty doesn't mean she's girlish! (Nose rapidly grows longer) Argh.**

 **There! Done!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own warriors. I do not own this story. I also do not own Tom Sawyer. Full stop.**

 **Let's get ready to embark on this journey, full of red curly lines, horrendous spelling that a blind mouse would recoil at, irritating extra '1's, truly messy-**

 **Okay. I should stop procrastinating. Let's. Go.**

* * *

Chapter Ten The Recluse

 _ **(We're gonna get a break from this story! Then-then why did I rant so much just now?)**_

"EVERONE FALLOW ME"

 _ **(Apparently not. Cabin crew, please brace yourself for impact.)**_

meowled StarPleam

 _ **(I've heard of Starkit, Starpaw, Stargleam, Gleamstar [spoiler alert], and even Staridiot, but StarPleam? Whatever. Not my fault xdarkrosesx botched up StarPleam's name.)**_

as see charred

 _ **(A fire scene was omitted, I see. Perhaps it involved Stargleam saving the butts of everyone in ThunderClan, and the author had to take it down because it triggered too many gag reflexes and seizures in readers. Yeah, that makes sense.)**_

for th3 entranse to eh camp. Tares stremmed

 _ **(I shall interpret this as I wish. So...[squints at words] hares strummed? Yup, looks like it. [Bugs Bunny suddenly appears, strumming a guitar and singing soulfully about how StarPleam stole his carrot and sanity])**_

down her face1

 _ **(I see I missed an important detail. Strumming down StarPleam's face. Alright. Bugs Bunny, is it possible to strum down a Mary-Sue's face? What did you say? That if her face was a guitar you could do it? Huh. Let's imagine Bugs Bunny perching on the top of StarPleam's head, plucking her whiskers (off) like strings That sounds...nice.)**_

she wuss so sad her fahter had deid her leader was gunn.

 _ **(Firestar was a gunn. Not impressed.)**_

"FLAMEPAW LAKEPAW DUSTPELT MOM LOINBLAZE FALLOW ME." She said. "I NEDD A PAROL."

 _ **(And a patrol is what you will not get, if you keep arranging for a parol instead.)**_

The run into the frost their pass working fastly.

 _ **(It utterly makes sense, how train passes are working quickly so that they can jump into the frost...Oh wait! Remember the pool in StarClan that was mentioned in the Alliances? The one that could save the sanity of whoever jumped into it? Maybe the pool froze over. Instead of calling it ice, insightful xdarkrosesx called it frost! Wouldn't that work? My dear train passes, you pieces of non-living paper actually have more sense than Bluestar, seeing as you chose to rescue your sanity unlike her! Congratulations!)**_

She wood kill HolyLeaf and TigerSar for what thed don!

 _ **(Killing her aunt! How saintly!)**_

She batlecried using his nose to tar down the evill cats.

 _ **(I'm... I'm confused. Who's nose could that be, so powerful and filled with tar? I do hope it's not Hollyleaf! I want her to be a female! Noooooo! [falls to the ground in a heap and starts sobbing] Sheesh. What did I do? [slaps myself] Ah, better. [feels the pain of the slap] Wait, noooo, this is not a dream! Noooooo! [sniffles] I am going mad! No!)**_

Her heat burneded!

 _ **(I shall assume the more uncommon but less cringe-worthy explanation that her heart was burning from the fire that happened a while ago, and not the probably-correct but mushy explanation of how she missed her father and her mate (grandfather). And I shall not take the explanation that her heart- wait. It's spelled as heat! What? Is this a pun or what?**_

 _ **Whatever this means, a new word for the occasional trollfic-writer reading this: burneded. Life (or the lack of it) lesson: If you wanna kill brain cells, you gotta learn from the master. Or mistress, in this case.)**_

Sune they had funded them.

 _ **(Ha! With what? Strands of her purple fur?)**_

They were hidnig bwhind a bolder.

 ** _(How_ _bold of them. [espies xdarkrosesx's spelling of 'boulder'] Ooh, this is even better.)_**

"HAHAHAH" LAUGHED HOLylesf putting er claw on FiresTarS thort. "IVE GOT YOU KNOW!"

 _ **("I've got you, you know! I found a new body part of your mate and put my paw on it, claiming it for mine, even though I love the Warrior Code and am his grandaughter!)**_

StarGleam gasped. "noooooo Fireheat!" she scemmed "FalmePawgo!" she said.

 _ **(Yes, FalmePawgo, StarGleam's jealous of the popularity Pokemongo is getting, and wants to create another game called FalmePawgo! The motto will not be 'Gotta catch them all!' It will be 'Gotta lose them all!' Obviously it is referring to the slowly-decreasing IQ points that are left in our brains after reading this absurd stuff.)**_

Flamepaw hurled at HolyLeaf. Hollyleaf laked

 _ **(Another lake pun. Original much?)**_

at her in suprise. "What how could they have fallowd me."

 _ **(They're smarter than you, dear. [consoling voice] Oh wait, what am I talking about,**_ **everyone's _smarter than you!)_**

She dogged at Flamepaw her blue eys fallshig.

 _ **(She's using the move Firestar offered to teach her that day! "I'll teach you how to dog." So smart of the Stargleam-Sue!) (Oh, and apparently blue eyes can fall...?)**_

"NO FLAMEPAW" whaled

 _ **(Xdarkrosesx, I know you like lake puns, but uh, a whale in a lake is a little bit too much, ya?)**_

LakePaw seing her sisters about too die.

 _ **(Yesh!)**_

"I LOVE YOU FALMEPAW." She yowled jumping herself in front of HOlyLeaf.

 _ **(No, eww, is this incest or just sibling care and concern? I do hope the latter!)**_

HollyLaffs paw cutt into hir throt blood came out LakePaw felt down.

 _ **(This is the best death scene I've ever read! So diverse! It even includes parts about laughs (laffs) and fabric (the felt)!)**_

"NOOOO!1!11" StarPaw screamed.

 _ **(Great! You can scream numbers! Like "NOOOOOO! One! Eleven". Yup, something like that.)**_

"FLAMEAPWWW!" She ran for HoltLeaf but it wass no us. LakPaw was dyeing. "I lofe you StarGleam." She wisperd before er blue I's cosed.

 _ **(Oh no, my spectacles is suffering from low self-esteem (and as a result depression) because it can't help its owner to read this sentence! )**_

"NO WAKE UP LAKEPOOL" shoited

 _ **([Stifles a snort of laughter])**_

Stargleam-she was so sad and depersed she was cyring!

 _ **(Good.)**_

"hahaha" laughed HollyLeaf evil. "u just dunt gedot d o you Im one of teh Tree!

 _ **(We get it, we get it, you're a tree. That's gotta be really evil.)**_

I have pows beyound ur emaginating!"

 _ **(I bet you don't have powers. Which actually also means that you have more powers than grammar skills.)**_

nd then…. She turned in…. A BARE!

 _ **(Oh dear, Hollyleaf's a flasher.)**_

"Gasped" gasped everyone. It was a bare!

 _ **(I would be shocked if a main character and the aunt of our Mary-Sue was a flasher, to be honest.)**_

"IM A SHAPSHITTER!" siad Hollylea joyly.

 _ **(Ah! I see! You shit out your 'shape', so then you can, um, flash yourself...But I think you forgot to add the part about shitting out your own intelligence, if you had any in the first place.)**_

"stargleam." Said FalmePaw cryingly.

 _ **("stargleam." Said FalmePaw cryingly. "You have such a crappy name it brings onions to my eyes.")**_

"I nedd to go back 2 the damp. I goat bury laekpaw. Ive neverbeen out of camp before how do you get back!"

 _ **(This is totally possible. She is out of the camp right now.)**_

"U ju wak to te the est. said StarPaw."

 _ **(You just walk to the east, and you end up in Neverland, where I will never see you again! I can totally trick her with that! How plausible.)**_

Thaks said FlamePaw crying she piced up the LakePaw and putter

 _ **(Putter. [Amused look] New word, people! Meaning: undefined [wink])**_

on her back and run.

"nut so fast!" said Holyleaf!

 _ **(Nut so fast! You know you're nuts, and since I'm nuts too, we can hang out like the nutty nuts we are!)**_

"Your not gunna get away that easly!" Wit a rar like an volcano erection she jumped at StarGlaem!

 _ **(I wasn't...expecting that...[eyes stray over to the offensive word])**_

Everone! Gasped!

 _ **(Everone! If there is a person by this name, you better gasp now!)**_

"NOOOO." Yowled STarGleam as sumething lung and sarp pluned into her bk. "YOU CANT GET ME THAT EASLY."

 _ **(A lung found out that StarGleam needed three lungs and wormed into her back.)**_

YOU CANT GET ME THAT EASLY."

Everyone jumped at the HoBare!

 _ **(New word. You can see what that is.)**_

The bare rared in pane!

 _ **(Oh my life! It's so well-described.)**_

Starepaw sent her teeth into its for. It rared.

 _ **(It's rare, I assume.)**_

"oak oka" HolyLeafthe bare said. "i no know Your not guna be bettin that esliay." Suddenly she was a cat1 then her body dropped her eyes went drka she was on the grund. Suddly ther wass howl from the other side of the froste. It was LaFlamePaw!

 _ **(Nah, LaFlamePaw is just hanging out at the Eiffel Tower with some cool French chaps that she made friends with because of her new, incredibly-extravagant French name.)**_

"LAKEPAW UR BACK!" SHE SAD

 _ **(She's sad.)**_

WHT SAID SPARGLAME.

 _ **(I think she meant 'Wth'.)**_

Thenshe locked.

 _ **(Surprised that she still has a lock?)**_

It was LakePool! She was runnin tord the forest starGleam was so appy.

 _ **(New word, the 'appy'.)**_

Then she sawyer eyes.

 _ **(Tom Sawyer makes a random appearance.)**_

THEY WERE OLLYLEAFS!

 _ **(She dug out Hollyleaf's eyes? Eww!)**_

 _the next chatter wil coke soon!_

 **(Apparently when you chatter you must drink coke. Is that true? I don't know...)**

 _AND STUP FLAMMING YOU HAETRS. YOU JUST DONT BELVE IN GOOD._

 _ **(We just don't believe that you're good? Did I read that? Omai, are you flaming yourself, and putting [misspelled] words into our mouths? That's really good of you!)**_

* * *

 **There! We are done for this chapter. You will notice that in front I have a long-winded, ranting personality while at the back it's more of an impatient and sassy tone. Sorry about that. My mood changes every day, and I wrote this over several days. [How lazy of me! XD]**

 **Lessons to learn. (narrows eyes as I study today's ever-so-short lesson notes)**

 **1) Starpaw saved everyone in a fire, but that was excluded out like the Pokemon episode with the strobe lights. Both probably caused seizures among the audience (at least I know that's true about the Pokemon episode, not to criticise Pokemon [it's good])**

 **2) Lakepool dug out Hollyleaf's eyes. Apparently those are cats' form of contact lenses. Ouchie.**

 **3) Blue eyes can fall. That explains why Lakepool had to dig out Hollyleaf's eyes, because they were green and couldn't fall out like the blue ones. Still, what's so bad about the blue ones?**

 **4) When you chatter, you must. drink. coke. Even though the chances of cats finding coke in the forest is lower than the chances of Firestar inviting Tigerstar over to StarClan for a sleepover.**

 **5) New words, the 'HoBare', the 'appy', the 'burneded', and the 'putter'. All so well-known.**

 **6 [Omai yes there's a 6th!]) Hollyleaf's a tree that works part-time as a flasher, unknown kitty funded unknown kitty with strands of Stargleam's unusually-coloured fur, there's a new interesting game called FalmePawgo, and in conclusion? This story sucks.**

 **Thank you for your attention. I (or my dead corpse) will see you next time. This has been an Echoshadow Production. I am Echoshadow, and I hope you have a nice day. (my 'news show anchor' act disappears) Alright, cyaaaaaa~**


	12. Author's Note

Hi everyone! Please listen up, because this is important!

I'm deciding whether to continue with my other story, A Peek Into StarClan (Parody).

Don't worry, it's not this story (is this even a story?). But I would be really grateful if you go over to that story, maybe look around a little and see if it's worth continuing.

There's also another option for restarting the story, if you feel I could do better or something like that.

Now, how do you let me know your choice? I have a (blind) poll posted on my profile. Please, please vote! Pm entries will not be counted.

Once again, I appreciate all of your support and would like it if you did me this little favour. The fate of 'A Peek into StarClan (Parody)' rests in your hands, or paws, if you would like it that way.

Signing off with affection,

Echoshadow


	13. Chapter 10

**Hi! Haven't been updating for a while, eh? Though it** ** _is_** **Starkit's Prophecy after all. (lets out a weird little chuckle)**

 **First on my agenda is to welcome the story's new followers/favouriters/reviewers/whatever. Shall we welcome Midnight Moon Spirit and THEDEMIGOD1105 aboard the 'SS Suffering Readers' ship, in which 'SS' do not stand for steam ship and instead stands for 'Super Screwed'. Yes, we are all super screwed suffering readers. And hi again, xXFlameEmpressXx. Nice name, by the way!**

 **Replies to Reviews:**

 **xXFlameEmpressXx (Chapter 9) : Ah, yes, okay. Thanks for informing me :D**

 **Goldenshine21 (Chapter 9): What? Of** ** _course_** **Stargleam has da purple fur! Check the alliances. And okay, if you want, you can grab some of that purple fur that some random kitty saved up.**

 **Echo in the Whispering Wind (Chapter 9): (gasps dramatically) Poor you! And poor gum! Are you two both okay?**

 **Echo in the Whispering Wind (Author's Note): Thanks lots! :3**

 **THEDEMIGOD1105 (Alliances): The name Icefire is nice, yes. Blossomwind too.**

 **THEDEMIGOD1105 (Chapter 9): Err, of course I've had a typo before. But at least I don't make typos at the speed of approximately 8 typos/second, and I actually bother to download a spellcheck software, or at least a good one.**

 **Also, if I forget any of your reviews, I'm really sorry.**

 **Right. Is everyone tucked safely into their sofa, with a basket of anti-depressant pills? Yes? Right, let's start.**

* * *

Catter 1

 _ **(No. More. Cat. Puns. Thanks ever so much.)**_

The Fiht Aganst the Sitters 1

 _ **(Oh my, beings that sit for a living are going to do so much harm.)**_

"Oh nose!"

 _ **(Oh nose! [pinches my own nose] Help! Am I turning into Voldemort 2.0? [Voldemort is this Harry Potter guy with a very ugly lack of a nose])**_

yellded StarPaw she wus so horrorifed.

 ** _([shrug] Like I care.)_**

"LakePaool is buck

 _ **(Betting bucks on Lakepool's return? How sisterly of you.)**_

and seh is NUT OKA!"

 _ **(Apparently there's a kind of nut called oka. Ooh, come to think of it, I ate a nut sweet a few hours ago. Could it be the oka nut? [Me the writer motions lazily to Me the secretary][Me the secretary hurriedly takes down this delightful new addition to the nut family] New word, by the way. Got it? No? Great.)**_

"Of coarse im not okay!"

 _ **(Of coarse I'm not okay, there's a patch of coarse fur on the base of my tail! And although it's only 1mm by 1mm, I totally need to throw a tantrum!)**_

LakeFall screchemd

 _ **(Yeah, definitely a tantrum. New word, people. Screchemd is something to describe weird people screaming.)**_

loadly she

 _ **(Perhaps she was carrying something. Like her crankiness and her ego. That's gotta be a big load.)**_

she issed at StarGlame.

 _ **(I'm gonna assume it's hissed and not pissed, for the fact that I do**_ ** _not want another rant from StarGleam about dirty fur.)_**

"I'm being posesd by HolyLeaf wut do you THINK!"

 _ **(I think that Hollyleaf couldn't have been possessing you, if you're screaming and yelling like an imperious rival to the throne where StarGleam is napping on. Like, really, Hollyleaf doesn't really yell.**_

 _ **Or does she?)**_

she yelddl and hulrd hesselv at StarPaw.

 _ **(She hurled her sleeve at Stargleam. [The song Greensleeves starts playing somewhere])**_

StarGlme was so surpissed she culdn;t mofe

 _ **(Too bad for her then. And too good for us then.)**_

Then... "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 _ **(Drumrolls...)**_

It was...

 _ **(Dramatic sound effects...)**_

REDPAW!

 _ **(Aww. [pouts] That wasn't worth the sound effects.)**_

Redpaw runnth

 _ **(Shakespeare strikes again.)**_

over to StarPaw and jumped in font

 _ **(News flash: there is a new, unreadable font called the 'Redpaw runnth over to StarPaw and jumped in'.)**_

of herr and LakePolawm hit her insta.

 _ **(Omai LakePolawm hit her Instagram, if that's a tangible thing. How devastating for the Instagram!)**_

"Nuu Redpaw!" chked StarGlamea

 _ **('chucked StarGleam'. So...did StarGleam chuck Redpaw or Redpaw chuck StarGleam? Indeed, here comes the question of the universe: How much wood can the woodchuck chuck if the woodchuck can chuck wood? Though I must admit, StarGleam is about as smart as a block of wood. The similarities are uncanny.)**_

and she locked at RedPaw. "RedOaw are yu okayo?"

 _ **(Is this...Japanese? [I learn a bit of it] Or Chinese? [I learn it too] Ooh! Well, the closest match for okayo in Japanese is ohayo, which means good morning. And yu in Chinese can mean fish. So...translation is...'and she locked at RedPaw. "RedOaw are fish good morning?" ' Oh, great. This definitely makes a lot of sense.)**_

she esked upsed.

 _ **(If you're so upset the spelling abilities that you never had has left you, then it's not my problem. Not that it was in the first place.)**_

RedPaw cughed. "No im not but at leaat I sawed yuour lif!

 _ **(I sawed your lift! But no, don't kill me, go call the lift mechanics quickly, because their repair bookings are gonna be full soon. That's the result of many angry readers like me buying chainsaws.)**_

she sed and then he did. StarFlame locked at RedPaw she wus so buttifly

 _ **(RedPaw was a butterfly. Gasp, gasp. If this is a plot twist meant to surprise us, sorry, we've blocked out all our emotions already and are incapable of feeling shock. Otherwise, you know, we would die from horror the moment we laid eyes on your writing.)**_

then StarGleam shock her hud. "No

 _ **(You wanted to make us shocked, but you're shocked yourself. Ah, did anyone use a emotion-deflecting mirror or something?)**_

"No Im STRREET!"

 _ **(Elmo wonders if anything has happened to his precious Sesame Street, from StarGleam's evil cry of victory over his home.)**_

she taught madly.

 _ **(Okay, this reminds me of my mad teachers. Ehehe...)**_

"but now what do we"

 _ **(Nice ending to a sentence.)**_

but now what do we

 _ **(Nice repeating of a sentence)**_

dao agant LakePaw!"

 _ **(Clap. Clap. I'm so scared.)**_

she lucked up.

 _ **(Luck points +1, IQ points -1!)**_

LakePaw was runnen toward Loinblzx

 _ **(Heck, no.)**_

and she was WIDESPED!

 _ **(She was widespread. I wonder if she was all around the globe like a deity or something, or 'widespread' like butter on toast. Hmm.)**_

"NOWWWWWWW LIonHEAR!"

 _ **(She's saying it really loudly for LionHEAR to hear.)**_

wisprd StarGalem and she ran towed LionBlaze and she hit LakePaw, who

 _ **(Where did 'really loudly' go? ._.)**_

StarGalem and she ran towed LionBlaze and she hit LakePaw,

 _ **(Yay for everyone. I'm totally entertained here [yawns] do I bring the popcorn? Nah, not worth it.)**_

who did to.

"StarGlame I will get u for thiss11

 _ **(Go, go, just get away from my sig- oh. You're killing Stargleam. Great then, you have my full support. Lakepaw for Clan Leader! Lakepaw for Clan Leader!)**_

sed LakePaw as SatinClaw drag away to hellClan

 _ **(HellClan. Ooh, so scary.)**_

. He waswerng oink naie Polish.

 _ **(Pink nail polish? Wha-)**_

then StarGlame stinted to crry

 _ **(Oh my, alert, alert! Pink nail polish apparently contains onions!)**_

as she realed that her sitter ass ded.

 _ **(Her sitter ass. [stuffs wad of tissues into mouth to stifle laughter] )**_

"you killd my Subjt!" HolyLeaf

 _ **(You killed one of the subjects I study in school! Although since it's like geography, which I really, really hate, Imma just let you off.)**_

HolyLeaf rared turng back in a bare.

 _ **( DA SHAPESHITTER IS BACK)**_

"Ilus get you for thi!"

 _ **(New word: thi.)**_

she saud

 _ **(Another new word, saud.)**_

and then she rudhed

 _ **(A mispelling of 'redhead'? Yet another new word? You decide!)**_

at StarPlame. "Oh o!" yelld every1 "tarPaw got our of the Way!"

 _ **(You shouldn't have reminded her, then she could die and you all could be saved. [sighs dramatically, flouncing onto the sofa] Cats these days...)**_

Tim semd to slow danw as StarPawlem run awy from the bare. But she ran left into... TIGGERSTAR!"

 _ **(Tiggerstar, who was innocently chatting with Eeyore about stealing Pooh's honey to make some nice honey sugar scrub.)**_

"Fuhrstar!

 _ **(German!)**_

yellded a TiggerStraw. "You ar gong to did now!" And he held out... SOME JEW!

 _ **(Jews!)**_

"Omg jyew!"

 _ **(You're with the Germans, perhaps.)**_

elld FamePaw

 _ **(Famepaw, why, Famepaw)**_

she locked at the yew

 _ **(Locks are not scared of deathberries hahaha)**_

. "But it wooden work

 _ **(I didn't know the subject woodwork existed in StarGleam's world)**_

becas thers a lizded on it."

 _ **(Lizded.)**_

They all locked at the lizard.

 _ **(What? [throws hands up] this is screwed! Yew don't work because there are lizards?! Then why did Brokenstar die of deathberries! Being of ShadowClan origin, I would have thought he had eaten at least one lizard in his miserable little life! And he whines about others not respecting Clan heritage?!)**_

It wus a newt.

 _ **(The lizard miraculously switched into a newt. Aha, how amazing. Totally did not defy the laws of science.)**_

The nwt ran away.

 _ **(Err, am I supposed to be happy?)**_

"... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled FamePaw. "Now the yew is gunna wkr!

 _ **([slow clap] So impressed.)**_

"Ete the yew!" sadi

 _ **(Sadistic much?)**_

TiggerStar he thirst

 _ **(With the thirst of StarGleam's blood!)**_

it at StarGlame StarGleam baked away.

 _ **(Go on, bake away and poison the oven/microwave with yew berry juice.)**_

"You're never get moi to ete it!"

 _ **([wearing a resigned expression] Bad kiddo, bad kid! Don't be picky about your food, vegetables and fruits are healthy! Come on, eat these pretty little berries...)**_

she esked and then she held "YOUE NEVER TOOK ME ALIV!"

 _ **(She held words. [prances around in agreement with this completely possible logic])**_

"are you so sur?"

 _ **(Whoever said this, I think he has at least preserved some sense of, erm, common sense. I applaud.)**_

aksed TigerClar and then he lung

 _ **(Remember the third lung? Apparently its buddy, the fourth lung, missed the third lung a lot and decided to tag along.)**_

at StarGlema and grabed her and ran away.

 _ **(Blows party poppers at the speed of 98 party poppers/second)(I don't know why, but the number 98 just popped into my head :D)**_

"Youl never cathg me!1111 he laght meanly. "Im gong to Shadowcaln!" And then he luf.

 _ **(Yayness, the perfect ending to the perfect dystopian warrior-cat world!)**_

 **Guyx I ben working relly hard on this wile I was gon.**

 ** _(I TOTALLY believe you. Anyway, even if you did, I bet your [lack of?] a grammar-correcting software was slacking off. Or perhaps it just fainted after realising that it actually had to correct every single darn word you wrote. Yeah. Sounds legit enough.)_**

 **im sor'ry for the wait.**

 ** _(No, don't be, we all appreciate it.)_**

 **Revew betetr**

 _ **(I wouldn't dare incur the wrath of more than a million furious readers of this troll-fic, Your Majesty.)**_

 **and ill updat mor quick**

 _ **(Gives a slo-mo scream)**_

* * *

 **K, I'm done. Five learning points today, totally in chronological order...**

 **1) Cats wear pink nail polish that have onions inside them. [shudder]**

 **2) StarGleam hates veggies and fruits, just like the normal whiny kiddo**

 **3) There is a new, unreadable font called the 'Redpaw runnth over to StarPaw and jumped in'.**

 **4) There is also a new nut called the oka nut. Exotic, no?**

 **5) New words, coming up ahead! The screchemd, thi, and the saud. Oh, my goodness (inhales painfully). What the _heck_ are all these?**

 **I sincerely hope this chapter is funny enough. Because if it isn't, all that's left is a mind-poisoning passage of words(?) that raises the mortality rate of fanfiction readers by, oh, _so much more_.**

 **Suggestions! Pls tell me if there are any more awful trollfics, the more grammar errors the better. I would like to practise my sarcasm on them. The due date for submissions is by the end of the year. I'll post a poll with all the choices in it on the 2nd or 3rd January (on my side), so that all timezones are at least on the 1st of January by then.**

 **Goodbye, and see you again, hopefully in a better world (the real world), but if not, I'll see you in my next chapter.**

 **Sayounara! (japanese for goodbye, as you probably know already)**


	14. Chapter 11

**Hi there, peeps! Long time no see! (tries to wink)(fails miserably) Anyway...**

 **Reply to reviews**

 **None.**

 **Aww, I'm so sad! But nevermind...if I missed out any reviews, do lemme know! Thanks to Appleshine of ShadowClan for her favouriting of this story; I appreciate it greatly. Welcome to the friendly society here where everyone's IQ points plunge together, and may your IQ points be superglued to your brain (I don't know, genetics maybe) so it doesn't fall off over the course of this story(cough).**

 **I am sorry for the late update, school has started and the homework is killing me. Or the homework that is yet to come.**

 **Let's start!**

* * *

Cahpter 12 The Sark Forest

 ** _([Slow clap] Let's applaud your nice spelling!)_**  
"NO!" yewled StarKit.

 _ **(Starkit wanted to eat the poisonous yew berry. Oh well, it would be for the good of the entire world, wouldn't it...)**_

She run after TigerClaw.

 _ **(Lol, xdarkrosesx's grammar skills are totally existent here!)**_

but he was to fat.

 _ **([Stifles laughter])**_

She cudlnt catch up.

 _ **(Aaand how does this logic match, pray tell me?)**_

Finly

 _ **(Ooh, fish, fish, fillet, fillet, fin, fin, fish, fish...this is so satisfying to pronounce. Starkit has just become a RiverClan cat! Whoop!)**_

she stoped.

 _ **(News flash: I don't care.)**_

She was so tried so sad,

 _ **(Sigh, you were so 'tried'. [grimaces] This is burning a hole through my eyes and my brain.)**_

Teres begun to role down her face

 _ **(So apparently this guy Teres was role-playing as a face...?)**_

: her sitser was deed and tigerstar had ExcapeD!

 _ **([takes deep breath] Calm down, calm down, this sentence is totally not worse than falling into the sea...)**_

"y am I so ulsess?/?/'

 _ **(Oh, you finally realised.)**_

she dsked.

 _ **(New word [ooh we hadn't had one in a long time] : dsked. Dsked, dsked!)**_

"why couldnt i kill her?"

 _ **([Pats your back] Dear, you're so smart you couldn't breathe even if you wanted to. Oh wait, that's a great idea! Hypnosis! [closes eyes] Okay, Starkit, you're not a Mary-Sue, you don't kill IQ points, you are a normal little she-cat without purple fur...[opens eyes] [finds the same situation] Aww.)**_

"its not opur falt.

 _ **(It's not opur...GANGNAM STYLE! Boom boom boom boom boom, boom boom boom~)**_

Sadi a voice from bedide her. "WHAT WHOSE

 _ **(Two new words, the bedide and the sadi. I'm not gonna try to explain them, because their meanings are anyway gonna be a bunch of meaningless dung.)**_

WHAT WHOSE THEIR" SHE SAID JUMPED.

 _ **(Eloquence at its peak, I see.)**_

It juts me. "

 _ **( What juts you? [disturbed face])**_

said JayWing waking to bedside her.

 _ **(Walking to the bedside beside her...oh no, this can't be good. Does this have to do with locks or mats?)**_

"Yo couldt kill im becas u're nut dead."

 _ **(Oh my, help, help, I need some common sense in my life! Quick, someone bring the real Warriors book series over here!)**_

"what" said StarGleam "What dlo you men."

 _ **(I 'men' that you should go and throw yourself off a cliff. You'ld better do a backflip then, because we paid money for popcorn, okay?)**_

"hes in the Dakr Froset!" said JayFeather. "hess allready ded!" oh no what do I do thouth starGeam.

 _ **(Does this make you think of Shakespeare, anyone?)**_

"we can go to teh Dark Forste but its ver danger."

 _ **(Yes, yes, I know the Dark Forest is dangerous, and the Dark Forest is the epitome of danger, but the Dark Forest cannot be danger. Because you're trying to say falling down is the Dark Forest. Exercise your common sense, xdarkrosesx and Starkit.)**_

Mewled Jayfeater. "tack me their!" sad StarGleam.

 _ **(StarGleam, apparently, has a fancy for thumbtacks and Blu-tack)**_

She slepped and then they were in the Fark

 _ **(You know, that's how I spelled the f-word when I was a young and innocent girl with bad spelling skills.)**_

Forest. It was dark.

 _ **(We don't know that. Totally.)**_

Here was no mono 2

 _ **(Of course, it wasn't black and white. There was colour. [dramatic gasp])**_

lighte the way and it wass heard to see.

 _ **(Of course it was hard to see if you had two orange eyes and two rainbow eyes like Starkit. The only thing she'ld see was herself being the leader of the IQ-extermination Society.)**_

They herd voices! It wass TiggerStar!

 _ **(I'm shocked.)**_

"ok tjen well kell her ND invade Thundercaln"

 _ **(KELL HER!)**_

he was said.

 _ **(The word "he" was said, out of the blue. Everyone wasn't surprised, because this story was supposed to be random anyway.)**_

"WHAT NOO!" said StarPaw she jumped at him.

 _ **(Starpaw, this is the result of not learning to dog from Firestar! See, now you have to jump instead!)**_

she was aboot

 ** _(Not only she has locks, she has boots.)_**

to hit him when BlackStripe was there!

 _ **(Everyone, caution, 'cause the fusion of Blackstar and Graystripe is now prowling the Clan grounds, waiting to jumpscare Mary-Sues!)**_

"TIGERSAR WATCH OUT" said BlackStrip. TierStar loocked at her and he clawed her. It wasnt fare!

 _ **(Of course. The train fare is getting more expensive by the day, how is it fair?)**_

StarGleam fell to the ground blood was cuming from a wand on her sholder.

 _ **(Um, translation: Blood was doing inappropriate stuff with a Harry Potter wand. Got it.)**_

It was a lot of red blod.

 _ **(You don't say? I didn't know our blood was green or something! Come to think of it, that would be cool.)**_

HawekFrost Looked at her.

 _ **(I didn't know Hawkfrost's look was a spell. What does it do? Charm Starkit?)**_

She was so buetiful so kawai, he was thought just like FirStar.

 _ **(This has two meanings.**_

 _ **1\. Hawkfrost thought Starkit was beautiful and kawaii (note the correct spelling of kawaii) and Firestar thought the same way.**_

 _ **2\. Hawkfrost**_ ** _thought Starkit_ and _Firestar was beautiful and kawaii._**

 ** _Either way, it's pervetic. It's just that in the first one, Starkit has some tom-hypnotising potion that makes her seem like Aphrodite 2.0, but in the second one, Hawkfrost ought to get the Nobel Pervert Prize.)_**

He loved her. He had to save her.

 _ **(Ah, the suspense between Hawkfrost, a member of a society with a mispelled vulgarity for a name, and Starkit, the all-loved Mary-Sue with many monikers. I absolutely want to read this.)**_

He jumped in TiggerStar! He bit him!

 _ **(Oh, my, that is so amazing! Not.)**_

But it wa s to lat.

 _ **(I see xdarkrosesx's space bar has been jammed or something?)**_

StarPaw was dyeing. "it was turning balkc.

 _ **(Okay, lemme get this clear. Starpaw had been dyed black by Tiggerstar. Woah. Talk about crazy.**_

 _ **P.S. Tiggerstar would make a great painter, seeing as he identified and destroyed the one artistic monstrosity in the whole world.)**_

"I love you seh said as she did.

 _ **(New word, seh.)**_

AND THEN STARGLEAM WAS DIED!11!111!11111!1!11!

 _ **(Oh yayyyyy! [cries tears of joy] This is wonderful! I just hope she doesn't respawn or smth...)**_

* * *

 **And we're done. Happy? Yup!**

 **Btw, any ideas for troll-fics I can review? Pls, pls, tell me! I would be so glad to have the chance to trash them!**

 **Learning points, yo:**

 **1\. Starpaw wanted to eat the yew berry and commit suicide at first, but got killed by Tiggerstar at the end. She still got her way.**

 **2\. Tiggerstar carried black dye with him. Like, whaaaa?**

 **3\. New words, bedide, sadi and seh. Xdarkrosesx, do you hae a separate dictionary of words or what?**

 **4\. Hawkfrost, who is a pervert, casts spells by looking at cats. Oh, wait...that's really pervetic, come to think of it.**

 **5\. Starkit died.**

 **6\. Starkit died.**

 **7\. Starkit DIED! Whoopie, let's cheer, and give a hip hip hooray!**

 **Again, if there are other troll-fics I can practise my sarcasm on, feel free to tell me. In fact, please do tell me. I would be most appreciative and grant you a wish, as long as it's not too extreme.**

 **Signing out with hope,**

 **Echoshadow.**


	15. Chapter 12

**And...I'm back! Woohoo! Thanks to Devielle for the support :D If I forgot anyone, pls let me know! It's been so long since I updated with a chapte (guilty face) that I forgot who reviewed.**

 **Review**

 **Hilarious (Guest): Yes, someone actually wrote Starkit's Prophecy. And no, the story has not ended yet, as you can see from this chapter.**

 **I'm in no mood to be funny (blame the excessive piles of homework) so forgive me if this chapter is dull.**

* * *

Cahpter 13 The Metang wit Sartcaln

 _ **(After a break from this story I thought it wouldn't be so bad, but apparently I WAS WRONG.)**_

"Omigish what happnd!

 _ **(You died. Like literally, no kidding.)**_

shrekd StarPaw. She looked arung

 _ **(She looked like a rung on a ladder. Makes sense.)**_

"am I in Starclan?" she eskes when she say the cats that she new.

 _ **(No, of course not, you're in the Dark Forest, tied to a pole, being roasted over a fire like a floofy marshmallow. Except, you aren't as nice as one.)**_

"No of cours not your in the Daek Forest!"

 _ **(Oh woah, someone stole my thoughts! Or did I steal hers? This telepathy thing is still quite mind-boggling [pun, pun!] indeed.)**_

gagged

 _ **(The cat didn't like Stargleam. Well, no surprise there.)**_

a gray he-cat.

 _ **(Scientific terms 101: the he-cat.)**_

StarGlame locked around windly

 _ **(Stargleam is one with the wind, wooo)**_

for TiggerStar but she culd;nt sea him.

 _ **(Stargleam is one with the sea, wooo)**_

"Yes your in SatrCaln! said the she-ca. It was YellowFang. "Wher else wood you be?"

 _ **(Yellowfang is one with the Earth [wood], wooo)**_

"Yuo dont need to be so red!

 _ **(Yeah! I know! With a name like Yellowfang everyone expects you to be yellow and not red!)**_

said StarGlame she was mad."

 _ **(She was mad. I don't care. You should know that by now.)**_

sorry said YelllowFang but that made me made."

 _ **(That made me made.)**_

"its ok" said StarGleam. "but i was in the sark forest so...HOW DID I DYE?

 _ **(Idk honestly, you didn't really dye your fur, you were born with purple fur already...unless you were talking about the yellow-turned-red Yellowfang...?)**_

"TigerStra killed you"

 _ **(Hooray.)**_

said BlueeStar cumin over to her.

 _ **(No eww that's disgusting. If you want to write mature stuff at least do it with some OC ships! Oh wait, this is xdarkrosesx. Never mind, I won't waste my breath then.)**_

"he can send cats to starcaln even from the drk Foret

 _ **(Nice play of words.)**_

"Wait so then I'm died?"

 _ **(A little slow to realise it, no?)**_

StarGlame. "What do i do no? I cant safve the frost like this!"

 _ **(Remember, in the earlier chapters, how Stargleam mentioned saving the forest and not the cats in it? Well, now she wants to save the frost in the forest but not the forest nor the cats in the forest! I clap.)**_

"That why we aer gong to send you bak to Thnduer clan!" saud WhitStrip.

 _ **(WhitStrip, whoever you are, I think that may be the worst mistake you could make in your life. And possibly the last one.)**_

"But we also have somsing very imptent to tell you first."

 _ **(The news is that you are dead. This is just a reiteration in case some random he-cat like WhitStrip is too dense to get it.)**_

"Omg what is it" lauged StarPaw

 _ **(Starkit, I think you are high.)**_

she stinted to jump up and down

 _ **(Literally high. Both drugged high and high-in-the-sky kind of high.).**_

with joe." "I wnat to knew"

 _ **(Shakespeare 2.0, that was so philosophical I could not understand it.)**_

"wel their are ten thigs we ned to give you before you goe" said LeafPool

 _ **(They are: Sanity, sanity, sanity, sanity, sanity, sanity, sanity, sanity, sanity and sanity.)**_

and she gave StarGlame 2 rocks with writting on them.

 _ **(Don't tell me sanity came in the form of rocks. Maybe that's why some sane cats are also very dense [pun, pun!] with sanity weighing down their heads. I'm sure their obese ego helped too.)**_

"their the ten commons!"

 _ **(I'm interested. [yawns])**_

"OMG THE TEN COMMONDENTS" squelled StarGleam

 ** _(But I thought you only squelled exercisedly once before your apprentice ceremony. Please don't break that miraculous record.)_**

and she was so exited.

 _ **(Yes, yes, please exit the story. We have much better things to do than to watch you frolick around on three mats looking high on insanity.)**_

"I GET TO HAVE TEN COMMNDMENTS?"

"Ya" said BleuStar "we need to give them to the calns but they wont liten

 _ **(They won't litter. That's the way, kiddos!)**_

. Thats why we nedd you to do four us!"

 _ **(Is this a pun for the 4 Clans? Because I thought recent developments showed that there were 6 Clans, a Dark Forest, and many fan-made Clans)**_

"Okay" said StarGlame and she left Starclan talking the rocks with her.

 _ **(As such, Stargleam, I expect you to be more sane. But i know I can't expect a lot from you, seeing that it's**_ **you _.)_**

* * *

 _ **Woo, and I'm done! Done! Done! Done! Done!**_

 _ **Okay, so the 5 learning points here:**_

 ** _1) Yellowfang does telepathy with me (squee)_**

 ** _2) Let's revise the scientific word he-cat. It's the scientific word (much duh) for tom_**

 ** _3) The Clans don't like to litter. I'm touched. Such a collective effort to protect the environment._**

 ** _4) StarClan wants to grant Stargleam the gift of sanity, but it probably works about as well on Stargleam as a dose of adrenaline._**

 ** _5) WhitStrip, whoever he is, is not very smart._**

 ** _Sayounara! See you again!_**

 ** _~Echoshadow_**


	16. Chapter 13

**Yes, and I'm back.**

 **omgomgomg i'm soo soo sorry please forgive me for not updating i really had study issues i was getting like worst in class for history (aka. 6/10) and failing chinese by one mark sigh...**

 **right, enough of my mundane, boring life, let's start :3**

* * *

Chapter Fortene

 _ **Oh she made a new number? #Forteneftw**_

The Ten Commdaments

 _ **COMMDAMENTS new word. Repeat after me: Commd- wait, was this supposed to be a tongue-twister? Like, which kind of word has three consonants smashed together unceremoniously?!**_

Starglame

 ** _Very glam._**

come down in2 thunderclaln camp.

 _ **Oh my, most interesting plot twist award goes to xdarkrosesx! :OOOO**_

It was dark. Their were no cats otusdie.

 _ **Is that a passive-agressive way of saying if you go outside in the dark you die? Cuz if so I think I died like 1000+ times?**_

"SLL CATS GATER"

 _ **(gasp!)Very authorative!**_

she sadi. They cats gatehred. "I have Tebn Conmondants frum Starclam/

 _ **Starclam, the holy land of clams, where our honoured ancestors feast on beautiful clams and make thrones out of their shells.**_

" she said. The cats gapsed.

 _ **If I were them I would gasp too...I mean, a clam looks quite uncomfortable to sit on, why make it into a throne of all things?**_

The started to mummur.

 ** _"Mum Mur, I'm scared!" They mummured to their mother, who was weirdly called 'Mur'. But that didn't matter when faced with Starclam and its scion Starglam. Obviously._**

"be quite" starGleam sad. Tehy were quite.

 ** _Such obedience much wow._**

"here she said pushing th3 roks foreword.

 _ **"This is a foreword as to what will happen to your poor souls..."**_

"Loack at the them. Yu must fallow these commodents fur your hole lifes

 ** _"If you don't want holes in your fur"_**

if you wnt to ge5t into Starcan."

 ** _Same thing._**

She said. They loked at the roxk.

"1. thou shat not belive in other goIncesters

 _ **Alright, not too bad, go ahead**_

2\. Dont make any picturs of anyhing and warhip them.

 _ **Omg what does war and a hip have to do with this?**_

If ou do ai will punsch you an ur grankits.

 _ **Do I look like I care?**_

4\. don't say Starcclan in vane.

 _ **Starcclan in vane! Starcclan in vane! You asked me to say "starcclan in vane", didn't you?**_

5\. Work for 6 days and worshipe me on 1.

 _ **Nah, I would rather sit in a sink (an act that my friend performed at 4am due to sleeplessness)**_

6\. Repsect our mom and dad.

 _ **Ok that's quite duh.**_

7\. Dont kill otters unless in batl.e

 ** _Try telling that to the serial (cereal killers). They have no passion for those poor cereal and cornflakes. Then again, we're talking about otters here._**

8\. don't br unfateful to our mat.

 ** _Oh not again, the dreaded mat. Why is it so respected anyway?_**

9/ Dotn steel things from he other cland.

 _ **Why would I want to steal steel you creep.**_

10\. Dnt lie aboot yiour nieborgh.

 _ **All I get from this is you need serious grammar lessons.**_

10\. Don't be jelos og your neiborgh.

 _ **Very serious indeed.**_

11\. No BENG GAY!f

 _ **Kcan I'm a girl it doesn't apply to me.**_

The cat GAPSED. "Im sorry" said DaysPow. "ive ben a sinner. Ill do better next time!"

 _ **idk why he would be so stupid to own up i certainly won't.**_

Al the cats agred. StarPaw was happy!

 _ **Nuu**_

Teh were aon the write pat! If hey fallowed Sartclan thay woud neber go wong!

 ** _I don't believe it._**

But suddenly she saw somesting! It was….. REdpaw and LakePaool KISSING

 _ **Ooh interesting development. I hope this will still be T rated, I don't want to change my fanfiction rating.**_

* * *

 **Ok, and I'm done. Apologies if this wasn't up to standard but I'm tired af**

 **Lesson points:**

 **1\. We learn a new number, Fortene.**

 **2\. We learn a new word, commdaments. Why isn't this in the oxford dictionary again?  
3\. DaysPow is like, very, very stupid.**

 **4\. The Clan's mother is called Mur. Weird name, huh?  
5\. Otters are in serious trouble yet again. What did they even do?**

 **Mkay, Echoshadow out！**


End file.
